Sunday, December 11 is Janelle the Intern’s (http://www.beinggirl.com/expert-bios/janelle-wichmann/?utm_source=247Moms.blogspot.com&utm_medium=elaineR.N.&utm_content=link20111210&utm_campaign=comm_mgr) birthday. Janelle is a beinggirl.com expert and a great resource for teens when it comes to supporting them through the chaos that adolescence brings. In honor of her birthday, I thought it would be fun to look at the history and culture of how birthdays are celebrated globally and throughout time. Since December is also a very distinctive birthday month, it seems that Janelle’s birthday comes at a very opportune time to talk about this very special topic.
I was searching the Internet for a site that would provide the content for this post about birthdays and think that Wikipedia has the most robust info to use. While I can’t attest on a stack of Bibles that all in this post is totally factual, Wikipedia does have references for their content, so I am hoping that all I am sharing is true. Please let me know if there is something that is in error or if you have contradicting information that I should know about.
According to Wikipedia:
The ancient Romans celebrated birthdays with hedonistic parties and generous presents. The early Christians rejected that practice as being pagan. I like that today’s birthday celebrations can include generous gifts and fun parties, but there are also other ways to make the birthday person feel special without spending a fortune. For example, I got all mushky over the Facebook birthday wishes I received, as I loved being remembered by so many people I usually don’t get to see or talk with. Also, just bringing the birthday boy or girl a special home baked treat may suffice as a way to help celebrate their day.
In Judaism, it doesn’t surprise me that various rabbis dispute the perspective on birthday celebrations. Rabbis are learned scholars and learned scholars always debate stuff and how it should be handled even birthdays – go figure! In any case, it seems that the one single mention of birthdays in the Old Testament is for an Egyptian Pharaoh in Genesis 40:20 (I checked my Bible and there is mention of the birthday celebration.) The Bar Mitzvah of 13-year-old boys or Bat Mitzvah for 12-year-old girls is the only Jewish celebration connected with birthdays. Both are recognitions of religious maturity and don’t have to fall on the exact birthday of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah child (or very young adult). I actually had a Bat Mitzvah way back when in the days of yore. If I remember correctly, I was the second woman in my Conservative Temple to have a Bat Mitzvah. My Russian immigrant instructor felt I could do it and, I believe in the spirit of feminism, she encouraged me to prepare for this. I was undecided until my parents offered (bribed is more like it) a puppy as a gift. I said YES. It was such a big deal at my synagogue, that there were more attendees than usually come for the high holy holidays. They had to open the back overflow areas. I still remember the passages I recited and am truly happy that I had the experience.
The early Christians didn’t celebrate Christ’s birth because they considered the celebration of anyone’s birth to be a pagan custom. In medieval times, ordinary people celebrated their saint’s day that they were named after. Obviously, celebrations have changed greatly today and I am very glad. Though, still today, Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate birthdays on the basis that they are portrayed negatively in the Bible have historical connections with magic, superstitions and Paganism. By the way, since I have been throwing the word pagan about, I thought I would define it: from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: One who has little or no religion and who delights in sensual pleasures and material goods - OY!
In Islam, while Conservative clerics consider the celebration of a birthday to be a sin, a few Muslim clerics issued a statement saying that the celebration of a birthday is permissible (check out birthdays on Wikipedia for the reference). In the US, some Muslims celebrate birthdays of children mostly.
Hindus celebrate the birth anniversary that is related to the lunar month or solar month and star alignment, etc. It is very astronomically controlled, which makes it seem, to me, as a celebration of ones part in the universe. I really like that bigger than ourselves out-of-the world type of connection.
Cultural Birthday Celebrations:
In Africa, some families commemorate a girl’s sixteenth birthday with a sweet sixteen celebration.
In some Hispanic-American countries, the quinceanera celebration marks a girls 15th birthday.
Hindus, in India, celebrate a boy’s 12th or 13th birthday with a grand “thread ceremony.” In a ceremony, called a Upanayana, The child has a blessed thread to wear that symbolizes his coming of age.
In the Philippines, girls on their 18th birthday celebrate a debut.
In Japan, there is a Coming of Age Day to celebrate the 20th birthday.
While I only covered celebrations that I found in Wikipedia, I know that there are so many more that are interesting. I would love to hear how other cultures celebrate birthdays. Please share!
Before ending this post, and in celebration of Janelle’s birthday (and because I love history), below are some key events that happened in history on December 11:
1946: The United Nations General assembly established the United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF).
1941: Hitler and Mussolini announced they are at war with America and then America announced it is at war with them!!
1936: Great Britain King Edward VIII abdicates the throne to marry an American twice-divorcee, Wallis Warfield Simpson.
1866: First yacht race across the Atlantic Ocean (wonder why they would begin this in December!!)
1844: First dental use of nitrous oxide, Hartford, CT (so glad about this one!!)
1620: 103 Mayflower pilgrims land at Plymouth Rock
Happy birthday JANELLE and many, many more happy and healthy celebrations!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
December 8 - Violence Unsilenced
On December 1, I had seen Stacy Morrison’s post titled: “Saving A Woman’s Life With Your Words” and said I was going to post on December 8. December 8 was It’s Time to Talk Day, 2011. The discussion was and is about relationships abuse, domestic violence, and emotional abuse. The point being is that the stats are horrendous (see below for stats shared on the Violence Unsilenced Website) and the day was dedicated to those who have a story they want to share.
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STATS:
1 in 3 women will be in an abusive relationship in her lifetime.
On average, more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States.
Teenage girls are reporting dating abuse at rates higher than women, which makes them the most at-risk group for abuse in America.
One in five tweens—ages 11 to 14—say their friends are victims of emotional, physical or verbal dating violence.”
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I missed the day, but not the issue. As those of you who have read my blogs ongoing, I have posted twice in the past 12 months about domestic and dating violence, most recently in October, as it was Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The importance, along with creating awareness, of the Violence Unsilenced site, (http://www.violenceunsilenced.com/) is that it is a place for those impacted by abuse in any way to share their story. Along with the space to share, there are links to support services, resources and safety alert advice.
While living in Cincinnati, I often attended the local annual Taking Back the Night Event where there was a candlelight march and then a gathering where stories could be told by anyone wanting to share. I am tearing up now thinking about the stories that were told to the the audience. Some by people who shared, for the first time, what they were going through. How brave they were to tell their story and how supported and loved they were by those listening. Hopefully that brought them the support and peace they needed to go from being a victim to a survivor. The Violence Unsilenced Site is a virtual way to do what was done in person at the Taking Back the Night march.
While I am a day late, I haven’t missed the problem, unfortunately. While this is supposedly the happiest time of the year, for many with or without resources there is stress. During stressful times, domestic and dating violence can increase. Hopefully, by reading this post someone will checkout the resources and become a survivor and not a victim. I sure hope so!!
Below are the links to my previous posts where there is also further information that might be helpful.
http://www.blogher.com/did-you-know-october-domestic-violence-awareness-month
http://www.blogher.com/dating-violence-%E2%80%93-teens-and-prevention
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
STATS:
1 in 3 women will be in an abusive relationship in her lifetime.
On average, more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States.
Teenage girls are reporting dating abuse at rates higher than women, which makes them the most at-risk group for abuse in America.
One in five tweens—ages 11 to 14—say their friends are victims of emotional, physical or verbal dating violence.”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I missed the day, but not the issue. As those of you who have read my blogs ongoing, I have posted twice in the past 12 months about domestic and dating violence, most recently in October, as it was Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The importance, along with creating awareness, of the Violence Unsilenced site, (http://www.violenceunsilenced.com/) is that it is a place for those impacted by abuse in any way to share their story. Along with the space to share, there are links to support services, resources and safety alert advice.
While living in Cincinnati, I often attended the local annual Taking Back the Night Event where there was a candlelight march and then a gathering where stories could be told by anyone wanting to share. I am tearing up now thinking about the stories that were told to the the audience. Some by people who shared, for the first time, what they were going through. How brave they were to tell their story and how supported and loved they were by those listening. Hopefully that brought them the support and peace they needed to go from being a victim to a survivor. The Violence Unsilenced Site is a virtual way to do what was done in person at the Taking Back the Night march.
While I am a day late, I haven’t missed the problem, unfortunately. While this is supposedly the happiest time of the year, for many with or without resources there is stress. During stressful times, domestic and dating violence can increase. Hopefully, by reading this post someone will checkout the resources and become a survivor and not a victim. I sure hope so!!
Below are the links to my previous posts where there is also further information that might be helpful.
http://www.blogher.com/did-you-know-october-domestic-violence-awareness-month
http://www.blogher.com/dating-violence-%E2%80%93-teens-and-prevention
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Finding YOUR Fashion
There is no way that I would consider myself a fashion guru. However, after all my years of being alive, I do know what colors look best on me and what styles work on my full-figured loveliness. But, this isn’t about me. This is the counsel that I would like to provide to the teen girls that are struggling to find their unique beings within the fashion realm.
This is a great time to be a newbie in the fashion world, since clothes today are beautifully colorful, run the full gamut of design and are available in price ranges that go from what a real-life princess could afford to the girl earning her clothing allowance by emptying the trash or babysitting for bucks.
OK, enough with the commentary. Now about clothing, fashion and you. When I first started thinking about this post, I was going to approach clothing from the perspective of how to ask your mom for a new outfit that is different from the way that you usually dress. Or, the clothes may be very different from what your mom or dad would like you wear out. However, my tips on how to ask your for your parents’ permission that I wrote about in previous blog posts would hold true for this also. That is: meet your home responsibilities promptly and pleasantly, do your schoolwork well and on time, and ask in a way that is respectful. Then, respect the answer given to you.
For moms: listen and be open to what your daughter is asking of you. And, be glad she wants to talk this with you and not sneak. I know what I am talking about in regards to sneaking. We hear all the time from girls who sneak clothes in their backpacks to wear once they leave the house. In fact, I hear from older women who tell of their own teen-sneak years, so it does happen!!
But, I was given an idea by another of the beinggirl.com experts, Janelle, known as Janelle the Intern on the beinggirl.com facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/Beinggirl
What Janelle suggests, that holds true for me sometimes (unfortunately) is that some teens and women are just enamored with the idea of designer clothes, handbags, cosmetics, etc and confuse that with really having their own “personal chic style”. They become a walking designer label, rather than establishing their own look. To make that point, are you the person or do you know someone who always looks fabulous and interesting in clothes that were purchased from discount stores or second hand stores. The labels aren’t what make the look unique, but the colors, fabrics and style are what come together in a way that makes the whole thing memorable and enviable. I have an artist friend who puts clothes, scarves and jewelry together in a way that looks like she should be in a fashion magazine. The clothes flatter her figure and she wears the outfits comfortably. My friend isn’t wealthy in any way. In fact, many times she struggles financially until she sells some art. However, she manages to find bargains and great looks – none designer labels. The point here is that she has chic style on a budget.
What do I want you to take away from this fashion blog post for teens and women written by a fashion-challenged, budget sensitive, and yet always learning women’s health expert? You achieve a great personal style within your budget!! Below are some tips I found in an article on beinggirl.com titled, “Teenage Girls Style: Define Yourself”, that I found helpful for me too.
1) Accessorize: Think scarves, belts and bracelets in a less is more kind of way.
2) Hats: There are many varieties of hats to choose from like berets to baseball caps (a woman in my Pilates class always wears caps that match her outfits, so you don’t have to be a teen to wear a baseball cap. As for me, I just walk into my exercise class with wild hair that hasn’t been washed yet and black sweats. She takes an extra moment and looks great; I just look needy of exercise and style.)
3) Vintage is new and refreshing: Second hand stores are really a great place to explore for interesting and inexpensive jewelry and handbags. Or, for teens: Maybe your mom has some earrings from her teen years. If you are really lucky, your grandmother may have some from the 70s. Bet you wish you were my granddaughters, because I have a whole box of 70s jewelry that I am saving for my very young granddaughters. I also have handbags for them to use. (To you older but lively women reading this: Schedule some time with your daughters or granddaughters to explore your saved fashion stuff. You can share stories of your youth that I bet makes you both laugh together. Or, you can find some second hand stores in your area and shop together. Bet you’ll have some more laughs there too, as you try on hats, scarves or jewels together.)
4) Play with your hair: Experiment, straighten, crimp or gel. There are all kinds of hair options to try. The article in beinggirl.com advises to take it a step further by matching your hair to your outfit. For example, go online and check out some styles from the 70s if you are wearing an outfit from that time and make your hair match the clothes. Recently, I had my shoulder length curls cut to a bob below my ears. What a change that has made to help freshen my look. LOVE IT (thanks Patrick). In any case, my earrings show up better and I think I look younger and more stylish. Which brings up the point that if you think you look good, your whole attitude about your being changes. Even your posture can change you will look better in whatever you are wearing. (I’ll write more about attitude and appearance in another post.)
Check out the article for more info:
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/teenage-girls-style/?utm_source=247momsblogpost&utm_medium=nurseelaine&utm_content=link20111201&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
Would love to hear what others do to achieve their personal style on a budget.
This is a great time to be a newbie in the fashion world, since clothes today are beautifully colorful, run the full gamut of design and are available in price ranges that go from what a real-life princess could afford to the girl earning her clothing allowance by emptying the trash or babysitting for bucks.
OK, enough with the commentary. Now about clothing, fashion and you. When I first started thinking about this post, I was going to approach clothing from the perspective of how to ask your mom for a new outfit that is different from the way that you usually dress. Or, the clothes may be very different from what your mom or dad would like you wear out. However, my tips on how to ask your for your parents’ permission that I wrote about in previous blog posts would hold true for this also. That is: meet your home responsibilities promptly and pleasantly, do your schoolwork well and on time, and ask in a way that is respectful. Then, respect the answer given to you.
For moms: listen and be open to what your daughter is asking of you. And, be glad she wants to talk this with you and not sneak. I know what I am talking about in regards to sneaking. We hear all the time from girls who sneak clothes in their backpacks to wear once they leave the house. In fact, I hear from older women who tell of their own teen-sneak years, so it does happen!!
But, I was given an idea by another of the beinggirl.com experts, Janelle, known as Janelle the Intern on the beinggirl.com facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/Beinggirl
What Janelle suggests, that holds true for me sometimes (unfortunately) is that some teens and women are just enamored with the idea of designer clothes, handbags, cosmetics, etc and confuse that with really having their own “personal chic style”. They become a walking designer label, rather than establishing their own look. To make that point, are you the person or do you know someone who always looks fabulous and interesting in clothes that were purchased from discount stores or second hand stores. The labels aren’t what make the look unique, but the colors, fabrics and style are what come together in a way that makes the whole thing memorable and enviable. I have an artist friend who puts clothes, scarves and jewelry together in a way that looks like she should be in a fashion magazine. The clothes flatter her figure and she wears the outfits comfortably. My friend isn’t wealthy in any way. In fact, many times she struggles financially until she sells some art. However, she manages to find bargains and great looks – none designer labels. The point here is that she has chic style on a budget.
What do I want you to take away from this fashion blog post for teens and women written by a fashion-challenged, budget sensitive, and yet always learning women’s health expert? You achieve a great personal style within your budget!! Below are some tips I found in an article on beinggirl.com titled, “Teenage Girls Style: Define Yourself”, that I found helpful for me too.
1) Accessorize: Think scarves, belts and bracelets in a less is more kind of way.
2) Hats: There are many varieties of hats to choose from like berets to baseball caps (a woman in my Pilates class always wears caps that match her outfits, so you don’t have to be a teen to wear a baseball cap. As for me, I just walk into my exercise class with wild hair that hasn’t been washed yet and black sweats. She takes an extra moment and looks great; I just look needy of exercise and style.)
3) Vintage is new and refreshing: Second hand stores are really a great place to explore for interesting and inexpensive jewelry and handbags. Or, for teens: Maybe your mom has some earrings from her teen years. If you are really lucky, your grandmother may have some from the 70s. Bet you wish you were my granddaughters, because I have a whole box of 70s jewelry that I am saving for my very young granddaughters. I also have handbags for them to use. (To you older but lively women reading this: Schedule some time with your daughters or granddaughters to explore your saved fashion stuff. You can share stories of your youth that I bet makes you both laugh together. Or, you can find some second hand stores in your area and shop together. Bet you’ll have some more laughs there too, as you try on hats, scarves or jewels together.)
4) Play with your hair: Experiment, straighten, crimp or gel. There are all kinds of hair options to try. The article in beinggirl.com advises to take it a step further by matching your hair to your outfit. For example, go online and check out some styles from the 70s if you are wearing an outfit from that time and make your hair match the clothes. Recently, I had my shoulder length curls cut to a bob below my ears. What a change that has made to help freshen my look. LOVE IT (thanks Patrick). In any case, my earrings show up better and I think I look younger and more stylish. Which brings up the point that if you think you look good, your whole attitude about your being changes. Even your posture can change you will look better in whatever you are wearing. (I’ll write more about attitude and appearance in another post.)
Check out the article for more info:
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/teenage-girls-style/?utm_source=247momsblogpost&utm_medium=nurseelaine&utm_content=link20111201&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
Would love to hear what others do to achieve their personal style on a budget.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
I WANNA USE MAKEUP – IT’S HOLIDAY PARTY TIME!
In my last post, I wrote about teens and their wanting to get mom’s permission to shave. Within that, I said my next blog was going to about teens' desire to use makeup and mom’s deciding whether it is time. This post is for those teens who want to show their moms they know how to wear makeup and for moms to give in a little on this, even those moms who never used makeup and still don’t want to. (As an aside, I wear eye makeup and a bit of blush and have since my teen years, not that anyone truly cares about ElaineR.N.s glamour routine. In fact, some may say I could do with more and others don’t even notice that I wear makeup, such as my husband. He was surprised once that my “natural beauty” was enhanced with blush, mascara and eyeliner. Sweet!)
Back to the topic: OK girls (old and young) once a girl becomes a teen, I think it is time to allow the use of makeup. Be clear, I am not (as I am sure the teen doesn’t want) advocating for heavy Lady GaGa type of make up. No! While it works for her and I like her unique style, I am in support of light natural looking makeup. By natural, I mean the use of a concealer to dab on blemishes, not heavy foundation; blush for a natural sunny glow type of look, not clown makeup; lip gloss, not red lipstick with liner for a crazy, lips plumped up and gone wild appearance; and, mascara that darkens and thickens, but doesn’t clump and stick together never washed look. Hope I cleared that up!
We are entering the holiday party season. This is the time of year when there are holiday parties and other festive get-togethers when everyone wants to look their best – teens and moms! To prepare, I have a great idea for a great mother/daughter bonding experience. You can purchase make up that you both agree will look great on a teen and then practice using it together. Also consider some skin and eye cleansers too, so you can make sure that you are using products made for those skin zones to avoid irritation. Before shopping, take a look at some online sites of the brands you want to try. There you can find colors and products that suit the look you are trying to achieve. It will help you be more efficient when you are in-store.
Teens: Check with your mom about starting to use makeup. Suggest that you shop together to select what you and she wants to try. Before hand though, and I mention this in the shaving post, do what you are asked to do around the house promptly and with a good attitude. That will go a long way in establishing your mature being to your mom.
Moms: Listen to your daughter and take a reasonable approach. If you are hesitant, consider allowing makeup in stages. First, approve lipgloss and then light blush. Do it together. Be her advocate for reasonable make up use. Enjoy her company, and appreciate that she is growing up and wants to include you in her life as she does. That is a pretty big deal!
For some help, there are several articles on beinggirl.com about makeup and skin care that is worth checking out for helpful tips:
http://www.beinggirl.com/my-beauty-and-style/skincare-and-makeup/?utm_source=247momsblogpost&utm_medium=nurseelaine&utm_content=link20111123&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
Back to the topic: OK girls (old and young) once a girl becomes a teen, I think it is time to allow the use of makeup. Be clear, I am not (as I am sure the teen doesn’t want) advocating for heavy Lady GaGa type of make up. No! While it works for her and I like her unique style, I am in support of light natural looking makeup. By natural, I mean the use of a concealer to dab on blemishes, not heavy foundation; blush for a natural sunny glow type of look, not clown makeup; lip gloss, not red lipstick with liner for a crazy, lips plumped up and gone wild appearance; and, mascara that darkens and thickens, but doesn’t clump and stick together never washed look. Hope I cleared that up!
We are entering the holiday party season. This is the time of year when there are holiday parties and other festive get-togethers when everyone wants to look their best – teens and moms! To prepare, I have a great idea for a great mother/daughter bonding experience. You can purchase make up that you both agree will look great on a teen and then practice using it together. Also consider some skin and eye cleansers too, so you can make sure that you are using products made for those skin zones to avoid irritation. Before shopping, take a look at some online sites of the brands you want to try. There you can find colors and products that suit the look you are trying to achieve. It will help you be more efficient when you are in-store.
Teens: Check with your mom about starting to use makeup. Suggest that you shop together to select what you and she wants to try. Before hand though, and I mention this in the shaving post, do what you are asked to do around the house promptly and with a good attitude. That will go a long way in establishing your mature being to your mom.
Moms: Listen to your daughter and take a reasonable approach. If you are hesitant, consider allowing makeup in stages. First, approve lipgloss and then light blush. Do it together. Be her advocate for reasonable make up use. Enjoy her company, and appreciate that she is growing up and wants to include you in her life as she does. That is a pretty big deal!
For some help, there are several articles on beinggirl.com about makeup and skin care that is worth checking out for helpful tips:
http://www.beinggirl.com/my-beauty-and-style/skincare-and-makeup/?utm_source=247momsblogpost&utm_medium=nurseelaine&utm_content=link20111123&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
Friday, November 11, 2011
Mom and Teen Daughter Detent: 1st Topic is Shaving
I just might win the Nobel Peace Prize for my next several blog postings and who would have thought I would become eligible by resolving mother/daughter shaving conflicts.
Let me step back: The reality is that moms have to address the urgently important requests that come their way from their frantic teen daughters (teen daughters: To be clear, I really don’t think you are frantic, but that is how moms sometimes see you!). And, teen girls have to get their unyielding moms’ permission to do things that they truly believe they should be allowed to do (mom’s: I don’t see you as unyielding, but when you don’t consider what your daughter’s needs really are, you may be seen that way by them!). What a quandary for both if they don’t find resolution. After all, this is the time when daughters need their moms the most and want to be able to talk to them about anything. And, moms want to protect and care for their daughters while still letting them mature into independent, self-confident young women.
The topics that I will be writing about in my next several blog postings, that cause mom/daughter disagreements, are: shaving, makeup and clothing styles. These are timeless teen topics because they are important aspects of a teen girls life. How do I know? It is because the experts at beinggirl.com receive lots of questions and comments about them on an ongoing basis. Many girls ask specifically about how we can help them get their moms to let them do something. My hope is to offer ways in which teen girls and their moms can talk requests associated with these topics without anger and annoyance and seek resolution that is acceptable to both. Along with that, I will share some fun history and facts about shaving, wearing makeup and clothing and styles that I hope all will find as interesting, as I did.
SHAVING
For some reason, some moms see shaving as a right of passage, which girls shouldn’t begin until they are at least 13 years old – no matter how hairy they are. In fact, there are some mothers who don’t think their daughters should ever shave, since they don’t and never did. Of course, it can be a cultural thing when it is perceived as being far more unnatural to shave then not. Usually though, that thinking is more prevalent outside the U.S.
Let’s start with the history of shaving. Beinggirl.com has an article on shaving that I will pull from for this post. The link is below if you want to read the entire article.
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/history-of-shaving/?utm_source=247Moms.blogspot&utm_medium=NurseElaine&utm_content=link20111111&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
“Women and men began shaving their bodies as early as caveman times. In the Stone Age, cave men and women used sharpened rocks and seashells to scrape hair away, the first example of primitive shaving. In ancient Egypt, women applied hot wax and strips of gauze to the legs; after it hardened, they ripped the wax and hairs away, paving the way for today's waxing procedures. Now that is pain! Early Arabian women introduced bandandoz, a precursor to the epilator. They laced cotton string between their fingers to form a cat's cradle, then ran it briskly over their legs to simultaneously encircle and pull out hairs.
Even depilatories, creams, and lotions, which chemically dissolve hair, have an origin in the history of shaving. In the early 18th century, American women prepared poultices of caustic lye, which, when applied to legs, burned away unwanted hair.”
But why? “We do know that during the earliest Egyptian dynasties, some 7,000 years ago, aristocratic men shaved their faces, heads, and bodies, while women shaved their bodies and their heads. Clean-shaven bodies and faces were clear indicators of wealth, power, and gentility.
As civilizations advanced, to shave or not to shave became a matter of fashion. For early Greeks and Romans, beards symbolized wisdom, maturity, and manhood. But as shaving spread throughout the Roman Empire, beards became a mark of slaves, servants, and barbarians adding to the ever-changing history of shaving.”
Moving along in time, “Elizabethan female hair removal was equally unusual; the Queen herself, along with all the ladies of the court, began plucking the hair from the top of their foreheads in order to make their foreheads appear higher and nobler.” (Actually, I wondered about the large foreheads on the women in some paintings depicting women in Elizabethan times and thought they suffered from some genetic hair issue that was transferred because cousins married. Wrong, at least about the hairline.)
In the 20th century, women began showing more of their bodies and fashion dictated that legs and underarms become hairless. (Never thought that I would admit this, and publicly for sure, but when I was a teen I shaved my arms right down to the wrist. Even my friends thought that my bald arms looked odd. But at the time, I thought that is what everyone did. If I had talked to my mom, bet that wouldn’t have happened. Another reason for mom/daughter dialogue on even the most common of practices.) Today, women mostly shave their legs and underarms and it is considered common hygienic practice.
NOW THE DÉTENTE PART
For Moms: Mothers with teen girls need to pick their battles. If you want to do the wooley booley, no need to force that on your daughter. Your daughter has to take gym with other girls and, most-likely, wears sleeveless clothing in warm weather. You are being asked about this because your daughter has hair she wants to remove that you may not be aware that she has. Granted, I wish we lived in the kind of world where it didn’t matter, but it does. Girls notice each other and don't want to be different on this front. I say let her do it when she asks. Use the request as a way to let her know you are listening and respect her. This is an easy ask, really, as it won’t hurt her and will help her feel more grown-up. Also, she will be more likely to come to you for some of the more challenging requests knowing that you will, at least, hear her out.
As an aside, if your daughter has a really heavy hair growth pattern, with hair on her face, chest or abdomen that is not hereditary, you should schedule an appointment with her health care provider. There may be some underlying glandular/hormonal issues that need to be diagnosed and treated by a medical professional.
For girls wanting to shave: Find a time to speak with your mom when there is no one else around. If fact, you may want to write a note or email her to schedule a time to do this. Read up a bit about shaving so you can let her know that the request was important enough for you to research it a bit before talking. Also, you may want to consider doing some of the things she asks of you, like putting the dishes away and straightening up your room, promptly and with a smile. Tell your mom that you have hair in places that you didn’t before and let her know how you feel about that. Let your mom talk too. Ask her about her first time shaving, if she does, and see if she remembers how she felt or if she asked her mom’s permission first. If she says YES, say thanks for listening. If she declines your request, and hopefully she won’t, ask her why without anger and if there will be a time that she thinks it would be ok for you to shave. Again, don’t get angry if she says NO. Anger will make you seem immature. After all, she may think further about this, appreciate your approach and change her mind. In any case, I believe talking to your mom is always best. Good luck!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I want to thank my friend and colleague, Mary Baldwin, who is also a beinggirl.com expert. She and I talk often about the kinds of questions and concerns teen girls have and how best to address them. Mary has a M.S.Ed, with a focus on women's health. Should I win the Nobel Peace Prize, I promise to give her a bit of the winnings for inspiring me with ideas for my blog posts. Thanks Mary!!
Let me step back: The reality is that moms have to address the urgently important requests that come their way from their frantic teen daughters (teen daughters: To be clear, I really don’t think you are frantic, but that is how moms sometimes see you!). And, teen girls have to get their unyielding moms’ permission to do things that they truly believe they should be allowed to do (mom’s: I don’t see you as unyielding, but when you don’t consider what your daughter’s needs really are, you may be seen that way by them!). What a quandary for both if they don’t find resolution. After all, this is the time when daughters need their moms the most and want to be able to talk to them about anything. And, moms want to protect and care for their daughters while still letting them mature into independent, self-confident young women.
The topics that I will be writing about in my next several blog postings, that cause mom/daughter disagreements, are: shaving, makeup and clothing styles. These are timeless teen topics because they are important aspects of a teen girls life. How do I know? It is because the experts at beinggirl.com receive lots of questions and comments about them on an ongoing basis. Many girls ask specifically about how we can help them get their moms to let them do something. My hope is to offer ways in which teen girls and their moms can talk requests associated with these topics without anger and annoyance and seek resolution that is acceptable to both. Along with that, I will share some fun history and facts about shaving, wearing makeup and clothing and styles that I hope all will find as interesting, as I did.
SHAVING
For some reason, some moms see shaving as a right of passage, which girls shouldn’t begin until they are at least 13 years old – no matter how hairy they are. In fact, there are some mothers who don’t think their daughters should ever shave, since they don’t and never did. Of course, it can be a cultural thing when it is perceived as being far more unnatural to shave then not. Usually though, that thinking is more prevalent outside the U.S.
Let’s start with the history of shaving. Beinggirl.com has an article on shaving that I will pull from for this post. The link is below if you want to read the entire article.
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/history-of-shaving/?utm_source=247Moms.blogspot&utm_medium=NurseElaine&utm_content=link20111111&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
“Women and men began shaving their bodies as early as caveman times. In the Stone Age, cave men and women used sharpened rocks and seashells to scrape hair away, the first example of primitive shaving. In ancient Egypt, women applied hot wax and strips of gauze to the legs; after it hardened, they ripped the wax and hairs away, paving the way for today's waxing procedures. Now that is pain! Early Arabian women introduced bandandoz, a precursor to the epilator. They laced cotton string between their fingers to form a cat's cradle, then ran it briskly over their legs to simultaneously encircle and pull out hairs.
Even depilatories, creams, and lotions, which chemically dissolve hair, have an origin in the history of shaving. In the early 18th century, American women prepared poultices of caustic lye, which, when applied to legs, burned away unwanted hair.”
But why? “We do know that during the earliest Egyptian dynasties, some 7,000 years ago, aristocratic men shaved their faces, heads, and bodies, while women shaved their bodies and their heads. Clean-shaven bodies and faces were clear indicators of wealth, power, and gentility.
As civilizations advanced, to shave or not to shave became a matter of fashion. For early Greeks and Romans, beards symbolized wisdom, maturity, and manhood. But as shaving spread throughout the Roman Empire, beards became a mark of slaves, servants, and barbarians adding to the ever-changing history of shaving.”
Moving along in time, “Elizabethan female hair removal was equally unusual; the Queen herself, along with all the ladies of the court, began plucking the hair from the top of their foreheads in order to make their foreheads appear higher and nobler.” (Actually, I wondered about the large foreheads on the women in some paintings depicting women in Elizabethan times and thought they suffered from some genetic hair issue that was transferred because cousins married. Wrong, at least about the hairline.)
In the 20th century, women began showing more of their bodies and fashion dictated that legs and underarms become hairless. (Never thought that I would admit this, and publicly for sure, but when I was a teen I shaved my arms right down to the wrist. Even my friends thought that my bald arms looked odd. But at the time, I thought that is what everyone did. If I had talked to my mom, bet that wouldn’t have happened. Another reason for mom/daughter dialogue on even the most common of practices.) Today, women mostly shave their legs and underarms and it is considered common hygienic practice.
NOW THE DÉTENTE PART
For Moms: Mothers with teen girls need to pick their battles. If you want to do the wooley booley, no need to force that on your daughter. Your daughter has to take gym with other girls and, most-likely, wears sleeveless clothing in warm weather. You are being asked about this because your daughter has hair she wants to remove that you may not be aware that she has. Granted, I wish we lived in the kind of world where it didn’t matter, but it does. Girls notice each other and don't want to be different on this front. I say let her do it when she asks. Use the request as a way to let her know you are listening and respect her. This is an easy ask, really, as it won’t hurt her and will help her feel more grown-up. Also, she will be more likely to come to you for some of the more challenging requests knowing that you will, at least, hear her out.
As an aside, if your daughter has a really heavy hair growth pattern, with hair on her face, chest or abdomen that is not hereditary, you should schedule an appointment with her health care provider. There may be some underlying glandular/hormonal issues that need to be diagnosed and treated by a medical professional.
For girls wanting to shave: Find a time to speak with your mom when there is no one else around. If fact, you may want to write a note or email her to schedule a time to do this. Read up a bit about shaving so you can let her know that the request was important enough for you to research it a bit before talking. Also, you may want to consider doing some of the things she asks of you, like putting the dishes away and straightening up your room, promptly and with a smile. Tell your mom that you have hair in places that you didn’t before and let her know how you feel about that. Let your mom talk too. Ask her about her first time shaving, if she does, and see if she remembers how she felt or if she asked her mom’s permission first. If she says YES, say thanks for listening. If she declines your request, and hopefully she won’t, ask her why without anger and if there will be a time that she thinks it would be ok for you to shave. Again, don’t get angry if she says NO. Anger will make you seem immature. After all, she may think further about this, appreciate your approach and change her mind. In any case, I believe talking to your mom is always best. Good luck!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I want to thank my friend and colleague, Mary Baldwin, who is also a beinggirl.com expert. She and I talk often about the kinds of questions and concerns teen girls have and how best to address them. Mary has a M.S.Ed, with a focus on women's health. Should I win the Nobel Peace Prize, I promise to give her a bit of the winnings for inspiring me with ideas for my blog posts. Thanks Mary!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Info About Breasts for the Novice – What they do, what they are, and how they look!!
For many girls going through puberty, their major concern, outside of when they will get their period, is the size and development of their breasts. Why am I blogging about this now? Actually, it is because I was reading some of the questions that girls ask the beinggirl.com experts and this topic was a recurring theme. Being way past the age of caring about this in regards to my own personal being, I was glad for the reminder of the angst that puberty brings in regards to body image so I could blog about it and perhaps provide some reassurance.
Since we all start out having breasts and we mostly know what their ultimate purpose is, at least in females (I still haven’t figured out why men have boobs, beyond the fact that they too are mammals and all mammals have them.), I thought it would be helpful to understand them a bit better then the obvious. So stay with me as I give an abbreviated anatomy and physiology lesson on the breast:
One of the first signs that puberty is occurring is the development of breast tissue. The breasts are made up of milk-secreting glands, ducts and fatty connective and lymphatic tissue. Lobules, within the breasts, actually produce the milk and the ducts connect the milk-producing lobules to the nipple. Breasts come in all shapes and sizes, such as round, pointy, football-shaped or flattish to name a few. Cups sizes can range anywhere from AAA to DDDD! Also, about half of women have lumpy breasts due to fatty tissue differences or fibrocystic gland tissue. In fact, it is the fibrocystic breast tissue that becomes tender or painful every month due to hormone changes. There is a condition called, fibrocystic breast condition that can cause extreme discomfort during ones period. That will be addressed in another blog, if I get further interest in this topic.
Now some frequently asked questions from girls:
Teens are concerned about their breast size. So the question that should be answered is: Does size matter? The reply is it shouldn’t. When it comes to milk production, experts agree that size doesn’t matter. Larger breasts have a higher percentage of fatty tissue, not more milk producing capability. The size of ones breasts is usually determined by genetics.
Another question that gets thought about is: Do boys mostly prefer larger breasts? Breasts are right out there, so to speak, so they are more noticeable and more attention is placed on them. As far as what size and shape do most guys prefer, just about any. If you ask different girls what color hair or eyes she likes in a partner, the answers will be random and all over the place. The truth of the matter is that the answers about breast size preference will also vary depending on the person. The important thing here is that if someone likes and cares about YOU, your breast size and shape become unimportant.
For some girls, their primary concern is when they will get breasts, then it is how big will they be and what will they look like, but it doesn’t usually enter ones conscious thoughts that their breasts could be different sizes. Talk about making the stress of puberty more intense – breast sizes of different proportions could do it! Fortunately, breast size usually equalizes out or becomes minimally different and not very evident. Of course, if breast size differentials get greater as one gets older, it is key to have them checked out by a health care provider, as it could indicate a growth, such as a tumor or cyst that needs immediate attention.
For those of you reading this who no longer have breasts due to surgery to prevent or treat cancer, you might tell girls not to sweat the small stuff and to just enjoy their youth and good health. In the end, the thing that matters most is the person that you are and the goodness that you bring to the world. Too bad that it takes some of us awhile past puberty to really understand the wisdom in that.
Since we all start out having breasts and we mostly know what their ultimate purpose is, at least in females (I still haven’t figured out why men have boobs, beyond the fact that they too are mammals and all mammals have them.), I thought it would be helpful to understand them a bit better then the obvious. So stay with me as I give an abbreviated anatomy and physiology lesson on the breast:
One of the first signs that puberty is occurring is the development of breast tissue. The breasts are made up of milk-secreting glands, ducts and fatty connective and lymphatic tissue. Lobules, within the breasts, actually produce the milk and the ducts connect the milk-producing lobules to the nipple. Breasts come in all shapes and sizes, such as round, pointy, football-shaped or flattish to name a few. Cups sizes can range anywhere from AAA to DDDD! Also, about half of women have lumpy breasts due to fatty tissue differences or fibrocystic gland tissue. In fact, it is the fibrocystic breast tissue that becomes tender or painful every month due to hormone changes. There is a condition called, fibrocystic breast condition that can cause extreme discomfort during ones period. That will be addressed in another blog, if I get further interest in this topic.
Now some frequently asked questions from girls:
Teens are concerned about their breast size. So the question that should be answered is: Does size matter? The reply is it shouldn’t. When it comes to milk production, experts agree that size doesn’t matter. Larger breasts have a higher percentage of fatty tissue, not more milk producing capability. The size of ones breasts is usually determined by genetics.
Another question that gets thought about is: Do boys mostly prefer larger breasts? Breasts are right out there, so to speak, so they are more noticeable and more attention is placed on them. As far as what size and shape do most guys prefer, just about any. If you ask different girls what color hair or eyes she likes in a partner, the answers will be random and all over the place. The truth of the matter is that the answers about breast size preference will also vary depending on the person. The important thing here is that if someone likes and cares about YOU, your breast size and shape become unimportant.
For some girls, their primary concern is when they will get breasts, then it is how big will they be and what will they look like, but it doesn’t usually enter ones conscious thoughts that their breasts could be different sizes. Talk about making the stress of puberty more intense – breast sizes of different proportions could do it! Fortunately, breast size usually equalizes out or becomes minimally different and not very evident. Of course, if breast size differentials get greater as one gets older, it is key to have them checked out by a health care provider, as it could indicate a growth, such as a tumor or cyst that needs immediate attention.
For those of you reading this who no longer have breasts due to surgery to prevent or treat cancer, you might tell girls not to sweat the small stuff and to just enjoy their youth and good health. In the end, the thing that matters most is the person that you are and the goodness that you bring to the world. Too bad that it takes some of us awhile past puberty to really understand the wisdom in that.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Long Distance Romances: How I made a stranger cry on my flight home
Yep. Hard hearted me handled the situation really badly. It started well, as we shared a 3-person row, on the plane, with the middle seat between us remaining empty. She was friendly and we developed an immediate bond by agreeing to not look anyone in the eye who was walking by, during the boarding, to avoid having anyone connect and then sit. We waited and then the plane door closed and we knew we had accomplished our goal of having an empty middle seat for the almost 4-hour flight. After such a harrowing experience, we bonded and began chatting.
As it turns out, and usually does, her story was more interesting than mine. I was leaving my grandchildren and flying home to my husband. While I miss the children so much when we are apart, our relationship is, without a doubt, a forever one. The only sadness is that I won’t see them for about 6 weeks. However, the upside was that I was returning home to my wonderful husband who I was looking forward to seeing. Romantic, but sort of dull!
Now about my new seat friend: She has been dating a man from California for about 2 years and was not happy that the relationship hasn’t progressed. They meet in Las Vegas about every few months. It is much closer for him then coming to the East coast to see her. She seemed sad and said that he has never made the effort to come to her home. Along with that, she said that the relationship didn’t offer as strong as a connection as she would really like to have. She offered that for the Christmas holidays she always goes to a warm climate with her girl friends (thank goodness for girl friends!!). They leave on Christmas or right before, staying through New Year’s Eve.
This is where my tough love, tear inducing self enters: I ask her how she met the guy and she says online, which I truly believe can be a great way to meet someone. Then I ask why she doesn’t date someone closer to home, if this isn’t working for her, and that’s when her sadness begins to explode. She hasn’t been able to meet someone that she is attracted to and wants to date. The men associated with her job are married and, thank goodness, she said that she doesn’t want that at all. Then I say: Why not get back online and look for someone else if this guy isn’t giving you what you want! I told her that I am not Dr. Phil, but I could see that she is unhappy even talking about this. Then she began crying. OY! I felt so badly for her and then felt totally uncomfortable about not being able to say the right thing. As you can imagine, I tried though. I told her that she seemed like a lovely person and deserved better than to not have what she wanted in love. It was my attempt to validate her, even though I didn’t really know her life history. Then, I told her (and probably shouldn’t have) about an ill-fated long distance romance that I had before meeting my husband. I thought it would give her hope for the future – wrong!!! It was very sad and she cried more. She told me that the guy isn’t financially stable and she works hard to save money for retirement. As she was talking, she was hearing herself and became even sadder.
Now for the hard hearted part: She was looking out of the window, so I pulled out my iPad and began watching a movie I had downloaded for the trip. Even though I was enjoying the distraction of the movie, I still kept a semi-watchful eye out should she want to talk more. She fell asleep and I was glad, yet hopeful that meant some peace for her. Also, I wasn’t sure I wanted to say more to someone I really couldn’t do much for. I am always about the fix-up, but didn’t have anyone I could match with her. In a way, I was emotionally done with the discussion too.
After returning home, I wanted to learn more about long distance romances so the next time this comes up, I could offer advice that would be helpful rather than blab on in a way that makes things worse. I found a beinggirl.com article about long distance relationships that would have been useful, even for us grown-up girls. The reason I liked the article is that it offered advice in a context that would allow someone to assess and move his or her relationship to a more satisfying place. Here are the topics covered in the article:
Be realistic about your feelings for him and vice versa.
How strong is your connection?
Is your long-distance relationship fact or fantasy?
Facing the challenge, anticipating the obstacles.
The pain of saying goodbye.
The importance of seeing each other as often as possible.
Make sure you're clear on the terms of your relationship.
Finally, make sure you don't start living the life of a hermit when he's not around.
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/long-distance-relationship-advice/?utm_source=247moms.blogspot.com&utm_medium=NurseElaine&utm_content=link20111104&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
If you know someone in a long distance relationships who talks about it a lot, and not in a good way, you may want to forward the article, as I believe it might help her take another look at what she is experiencing. It might also give you a better way to discuss this with her.
To all who love in a long distance way, hope it ends happily!!
As it turns out, and usually does, her story was more interesting than mine. I was leaving my grandchildren and flying home to my husband. While I miss the children so much when we are apart, our relationship is, without a doubt, a forever one. The only sadness is that I won’t see them for about 6 weeks. However, the upside was that I was returning home to my wonderful husband who I was looking forward to seeing. Romantic, but sort of dull!
Now about my new seat friend: She has been dating a man from California for about 2 years and was not happy that the relationship hasn’t progressed. They meet in Las Vegas about every few months. It is much closer for him then coming to the East coast to see her. She seemed sad and said that he has never made the effort to come to her home. Along with that, she said that the relationship didn’t offer as strong as a connection as she would really like to have. She offered that for the Christmas holidays she always goes to a warm climate with her girl friends (thank goodness for girl friends!!). They leave on Christmas or right before, staying through New Year’s Eve.
This is where my tough love, tear inducing self enters: I ask her how she met the guy and she says online, which I truly believe can be a great way to meet someone. Then I ask why she doesn’t date someone closer to home, if this isn’t working for her, and that’s when her sadness begins to explode. She hasn’t been able to meet someone that she is attracted to and wants to date. The men associated with her job are married and, thank goodness, she said that she doesn’t want that at all. Then I say: Why not get back online and look for someone else if this guy isn’t giving you what you want! I told her that I am not Dr. Phil, but I could see that she is unhappy even talking about this. Then she began crying. OY! I felt so badly for her and then felt totally uncomfortable about not being able to say the right thing. As you can imagine, I tried though. I told her that she seemed like a lovely person and deserved better than to not have what she wanted in love. It was my attempt to validate her, even though I didn’t really know her life history. Then, I told her (and probably shouldn’t have) about an ill-fated long distance romance that I had before meeting my husband. I thought it would give her hope for the future – wrong!!! It was very sad and she cried more. She told me that the guy isn’t financially stable and she works hard to save money for retirement. As she was talking, she was hearing herself and became even sadder.
Now for the hard hearted part: She was looking out of the window, so I pulled out my iPad and began watching a movie I had downloaded for the trip. Even though I was enjoying the distraction of the movie, I still kept a semi-watchful eye out should she want to talk more. She fell asleep and I was glad, yet hopeful that meant some peace for her. Also, I wasn’t sure I wanted to say more to someone I really couldn’t do much for. I am always about the fix-up, but didn’t have anyone I could match with her. In a way, I was emotionally done with the discussion too.
After returning home, I wanted to learn more about long distance romances so the next time this comes up, I could offer advice that would be helpful rather than blab on in a way that makes things worse. I found a beinggirl.com article about long distance relationships that would have been useful, even for us grown-up girls. The reason I liked the article is that it offered advice in a context that would allow someone to assess and move his or her relationship to a more satisfying place. Here are the topics covered in the article:
Be realistic about your feelings for him and vice versa.
How strong is your connection?
Is your long-distance relationship fact or fantasy?
Facing the challenge, anticipating the obstacles.
The pain of saying goodbye.
The importance of seeing each other as often as possible.
Make sure you're clear on the terms of your relationship.
Finally, make sure you don't start living the life of a hermit when he's not around.
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/long-distance-relationship-advice/?utm_source=247moms.blogspot.com&utm_medium=NurseElaine&utm_content=link20111104&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
If you know someone in a long distance relationships who talks about it a lot, and not in a good way, you may want to forward the article, as I believe it might help her take another look at what she is experiencing. It might also give you a better way to discuss this with her.
To all who love in a long distance way, hope it ends happily!!
Monday, October 31, 2011
“The Menstrual Cycle Is a Vital Sign”
I was recently reminded of a great online resource for women and girls, about menstrual health, called Rachel’s Well. The organization, a nonprofit 501 C3, was developed around the core knowledge that “menstruation is a unique indicator of a woman’s overall emotional and physical health”. Its mission is to improve women’s health care by focusing its efforts in the area of menstrual health and ovarian insufficiency. The Rachel’s Well board includes a multi-disciplined group of physicians, clinicians and researchers who receives funding from the National Institute of Health (NIH) for projects to support education and the study of Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI).
The reason I am blogging about this now is that I read recently that periods don’t have any function, since we don’t get pregnant and give birth every year. My perspective is that discounting the importance of periods to our overall health is a very naive way of looking at our physiology. (Whenever I begin talking about an anatomy and physiology topic, like what are the ovaries and why are they important, I feel like I should be dressed in my nursing uniform, have a pointer in my hand and be standing next to a plastic model of a uterus with ovaries and vagina attached. Picture me that way please.)
What are the ovaries? A simple definition from the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) is that the ovaries are two small glands, located on either side of the uterus, that contain the eggs produced at ovulation as well as produce the female hormones, estrogen and progesterone.
Why are the ovaries important to our overall health? Since estrogen and progesterone control the development of female body characteristics, such as the breasts, body shape, and body hair and because the ovaries also regulate the menstrual cycle and pregnancy, the ovaries are important to our health and wellbeing.
How does my period relate to my health and indicate the health of my ovaries? According to Paula Hillard, M.D., Professor of Obstetrics & Gynecology at Stanford University, “It can indicate the status of emotional health, hormonal health, bone health, ovarian health, as well as long-term fertility. Therefore, in the absence of hormonal contraception, if a woman is not having her period, it may be the first sign that something else could be going on.”
Also from the Rachel’s Well site: “There are long- and short-term health effects of irregular or interrupted periods (amenorrhea). The clear message of Rachel’s Well is the importance of the relationship between women and their menstrual cycles. Regular and effective health screenings and an open dialogue between women and their health care providers are critical to their overall health. If a woman’s menstrual cycle is not functioning normally, this should be considered a reason for a specific evaluation by a health care provider.”
One reason, outside of the use of birth control pills, for having an irregular period, or not having one at all is Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI). Below is a link to the Rachel’s well site content about POI. http://www.rachelswell.org/
Also on the site are statistics (POI is more common than you might think), as well as content that address myths or misperceptions that some women may have when their periods halt before the age of 45. For example, she may think she is in early menopause, but that is probably incorrect, as she may actually have POI.
What are some symptoms of POI? Some symptoms that may occur are: missed or irregular periods, hot flashes/night sweats, inability to concentrate, loss of memory, insomnia, depression, loss of energy, irritability/mood swings, sexual dysfunction, vaginal dryness, infertility. Note that the symptoms are very close to what we have come to expect from menopause. Point here is that menopause usually happens between the ages of 45 to 60 years.
What do I do with this information? Clearly, if you are younger than 45 years old and you no longer have a period, schedule an appointment with your health care provider to discuss your symptoms and concerns. This is important; because a delay in diagnosis and treatment can lead to health problems, such as low bone density, sleep difficulties and emotional issues. The good news is that there are treatment options that can help.
Most of us lead very busy lives and want to be at our optimum to do the things we need to as well as select to do. I strongly believe that we should all work to be at the best health possible. Part of that is taking action, when needed, to make that happen. Hope that all reading this will do that and find the answers they deserve.
The reason I am blogging about this now is that I read recently that periods don’t have any function, since we don’t get pregnant and give birth every year. My perspective is that discounting the importance of periods to our overall health is a very naive way of looking at our physiology. (Whenever I begin talking about an anatomy and physiology topic, like what are the ovaries and why are they important, I feel like I should be dressed in my nursing uniform, have a pointer in my hand and be standing next to a plastic model of a uterus with ovaries and vagina attached. Picture me that way please.)
What are the ovaries? A simple definition from the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) is that the ovaries are two small glands, located on either side of the uterus, that contain the eggs produced at ovulation as well as produce the female hormones, estrogen and progesterone.
Why are the ovaries important to our overall health? Since estrogen and progesterone control the development of female body characteristics, such as the breasts, body shape, and body hair and because the ovaries also regulate the menstrual cycle and pregnancy, the ovaries are important to our health and wellbeing.
How does my period relate to my health and indicate the health of my ovaries? According to Paula Hillard, M.D., Professor of Obstetrics & Gynecology at Stanford University, “It can indicate the status of emotional health, hormonal health, bone health, ovarian health, as well as long-term fertility. Therefore, in the absence of hormonal contraception, if a woman is not having her period, it may be the first sign that something else could be going on.”
Also from the Rachel’s Well site: “There are long- and short-term health effects of irregular or interrupted periods (amenorrhea). The clear message of Rachel’s Well is the importance of the relationship between women and their menstrual cycles. Regular and effective health screenings and an open dialogue between women and their health care providers are critical to their overall health. If a woman’s menstrual cycle is not functioning normally, this should be considered a reason for a specific evaluation by a health care provider.”
One reason, outside of the use of birth control pills, for having an irregular period, or not having one at all is Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI). Below is a link to the Rachel’s well site content about POI. http://www.rachelswell.org/
Also on the site are statistics (POI is more common than you might think), as well as content that address myths or misperceptions that some women may have when their periods halt before the age of 45. For example, she may think she is in early menopause, but that is probably incorrect, as she may actually have POI.
What are some symptoms of POI? Some symptoms that may occur are: missed or irregular periods, hot flashes/night sweats, inability to concentrate, loss of memory, insomnia, depression, loss of energy, irritability/mood swings, sexual dysfunction, vaginal dryness, infertility. Note that the symptoms are very close to what we have come to expect from menopause. Point here is that menopause usually happens between the ages of 45 to 60 years.
What do I do with this information? Clearly, if you are younger than 45 years old and you no longer have a period, schedule an appointment with your health care provider to discuss your symptoms and concerns. This is important; because a delay in diagnosis and treatment can lead to health problems, such as low bone density, sleep difficulties and emotional issues. The good news is that there are treatment options that can help.
Most of us lead very busy lives and want to be at our optimum to do the things we need to as well as select to do. I strongly believe that we should all work to be at the best health possible. Part of that is taking action, when needed, to make that happen. Hope that all reading this will do that and find the answers they deserve.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I Know A Secret!!!
Don’t you just hate when someone taunts you with that phrase. I do! While I am the kind of person who loves surprises, if I know that one is coming, I will go to all kind of lengths to find out what the surprise is all about. While there are good and fun secrets, such as those that are necessary for planning for anniversary or birthday surprises or unanticipated friend visits, there are secrets that can be painful or hurtful if not kept private.
The Mirriam-Webster official definition of a secret that is most appropriate to this is: kept from knowledge or view (hidden). Let me begin with my ending statement about secrets and that is: Some secrets need to stay that way forever out of respect to the person asking that it be kept and other secrets need to be shared no matter the reason for asking that it not be shared.
Why I am I now blogging about secrets?? There are two reasons, actually. The first is because a friend recently told me something very private about her health. She and I talk on occasion about her issue. To be clear, I am not her NURSE friend, but a very close friend who is also a nurse. I had not told a soul what she confided, as I respect her reason for not sharing her private stuff. Recently I had several couples over for dinner and she shared about her illness with another woman present. She was at first surprised that the other friend of mine wasn’t aware of what she had gone through. I told her that what she was experiencing was only hers to share.
To anyone who knows me personally, I AM A SECRET KEEPER…now and forever!! You can confide in me. Have you ever heard of the Yiddish word YENTA? If so, you know it means someone who tells all to all. A major repercussion of sharing a confidence is that you destroy the trust between yourself and the person who confided to you. You can try all you want and you may never get that trust back. What a loss. You may also get a reputation as some who is a YENTA. I can assure you that being called a YENTA, or gossipmonger, is not a pretty way to be described.
There is a featured article on beinggirl.com about secrets.
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/keeping-a-secret/?utm_source=blogger&utm_medium=NurseElaine&utm_content=link20111011&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
It includes a paragraph on how to keep a secret, as well as a description of the difference between a good and bad secret. In the article, it states that: “A bad secret might concern a friend or family member who is in trouble and risking her health and safety. Whether it’s drug-related or bad-crowd-related, those secrets that make anyone feel scared, uncomfortable, sad, or angry should be shared.” I will add that it should be shared with someone who can help ensure that the person gets the support that they may desperately need.
There is an interesting statistic in the beinggirl.com article:
“A recent study of 3000 women in England found that four in ten women had trouble keeping a secret, no matter how personal or confidential the news was. And two-thirds ended up feeling guilty after spilling the beans.”
Let me tell you about my guilt inducing behavior: One time, a group of my “girl” friends and I were sitting around drinking some vino and complaining about work stuff and people. I listened and then added a comment about something someone at work had said about someone else. One of my friends personalized it, even though it wasn’t about her. Whew, did I kick myself in the butt for telling the group what I should not have. I mention the wine because it may have loosened my tongue. But, I tell you all from the bottom of my heart, I am personally responsible for causing an additional rift in an already fragile relationship. I felt terrible about that for the longest time, and still do. Now though, you would have to stick pins in my fingernails to get me to share something that was said in confidence. I learned a painful lesson. It seems that we are never too old and crotchety to learn life’s lessons, as I continually do for sure!
Hate that I may be sounding preachy, but wanted to talk about secrets and the difference between good and bad secrets, as well as secrets that should be shared and those that should never come out of our mouths. What l I hope readers take away from this post is that we all should think very carefully before we blurt out what we shouldn’t and consider sharing what we should, no matter how difficult, when it can help someone.
P.S. While you can feel free to share, as this post is not secret, I hope none of the “girls” reads this and remembers what I said that was so upsetting and STUPID! If you do, forgive me please, as it won’t happen again!
The Mirriam-Webster official definition of a secret that is most appropriate to this is: kept from knowledge or view (hidden). Let me begin with my ending statement about secrets and that is: Some secrets need to stay that way forever out of respect to the person asking that it be kept and other secrets need to be shared no matter the reason for asking that it not be shared.
Why I am I now blogging about secrets?? There are two reasons, actually. The first is because a friend recently told me something very private about her health. She and I talk on occasion about her issue. To be clear, I am not her NURSE friend, but a very close friend who is also a nurse. I had not told a soul what she confided, as I respect her reason for not sharing her private stuff. Recently I had several couples over for dinner and she shared about her illness with another woman present. She was at first surprised that the other friend of mine wasn’t aware of what she had gone through. I told her that what she was experiencing was only hers to share.
To anyone who knows me personally, I AM A SECRET KEEPER…now and forever!! You can confide in me. Have you ever heard of the Yiddish word YENTA? If so, you know it means someone who tells all to all. A major repercussion of sharing a confidence is that you destroy the trust between yourself and the person who confided to you. You can try all you want and you may never get that trust back. What a loss. You may also get a reputation as some who is a YENTA. I can assure you that being called a YENTA, or gossipmonger, is not a pretty way to be described.
There is a featured article on beinggirl.com about secrets.
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/keeping-a-secret/?utm_source=blogger&utm_medium=NurseElaine&utm_content=link20111011&utm_campaign=comm_mgr
It includes a paragraph on how to keep a secret, as well as a description of the difference between a good and bad secret. In the article, it states that: “A bad secret might concern a friend or family member who is in trouble and risking her health and safety. Whether it’s drug-related or bad-crowd-related, those secrets that make anyone feel scared, uncomfortable, sad, or angry should be shared.” I will add that it should be shared with someone who can help ensure that the person gets the support that they may desperately need.
There is an interesting statistic in the beinggirl.com article:
“A recent study of 3000 women in England found that four in ten women had trouble keeping a secret, no matter how personal or confidential the news was. And two-thirds ended up feeling guilty after spilling the beans.”
Let me tell you about my guilt inducing behavior: One time, a group of my “girl” friends and I were sitting around drinking some vino and complaining about work stuff and people. I listened and then added a comment about something someone at work had said about someone else. One of my friends personalized it, even though it wasn’t about her. Whew, did I kick myself in the butt for telling the group what I should not have. I mention the wine because it may have loosened my tongue. But, I tell you all from the bottom of my heart, I am personally responsible for causing an additional rift in an already fragile relationship. I felt terrible about that for the longest time, and still do. Now though, you would have to stick pins in my fingernails to get me to share something that was said in confidence. I learned a painful lesson. It seems that we are never too old and crotchety to learn life’s lessons, as I continually do for sure!
Hate that I may be sounding preachy, but wanted to talk about secrets and the difference between good and bad secrets, as well as secrets that should be shared and those that should never come out of our mouths. What l I hope readers take away from this post is that we all should think very carefully before we blurt out what we shouldn’t and consider sharing what we should, no matter how difficult, when it can help someone.
P.S. While you can feel free to share, as this post is not secret, I hope none of the “girls” reads this and remembers what I said that was so upsetting and STUPID! If you do, forgive me please, as it won’t happen again!
Friday, October 7, 2011
Love At The Time of WWII
My mother-in-law, Carol was born in 1916 to a middle-class family who had property and a small farm in Minnesota. Her family valued education and encouraged her to attend college after high school. She graduated from the University of Minnesota, with a degree in education in the late 1930s. Think about the time and how rare it was for women to attend college. But Carol was feisty and that is what she did despite some of the biases women had to deal with, at that time, when they didn’t marry right out of high school.
Carol is a petite woman, and has been her whole life. She is still attractive despite her age of 95. Her eyes are always sparkling and she has a self-confident air about her. She absolutely loves kids and still remains emotionally watchful of her 4 children, 10 grandchildren and 13 great grandchildren. That she truly enjoys kids is evident in how she treated my 3 grandchildren when I took them to visit her in August.
Considering how much energy my 5-year old twin granddaughters and 3-year grandson can have, especially after having been cooped up in the car for 90 minutes they were totally well-behaved and gentle with Carol. While they came bounding into Carol’s room to greet her with hugs, they were not forceful and sensed her fragility. After that, they began exploring all of her knick-knacks with the joy of being given permission by her to touch and carry. They would bring items up to her and she, who can’t hear very well, has a somewhat failing memory and doesn’t always feel in very good health, smiled patiently and told them little stories about each item. She truly engaged their short attention spans in a sweet and fun way.
Now the love story: Carol had a high school love, Bud, who graduated college around the same time as she did. They dated for several years after that. He became a 2nd Lieutenant in the army and she began teaching school. They did together the kinds of things young lovers do at that time, such as go to dances, enjoy friends, picnic, cheer their home team at sporting events and celebrate holidays. Hanging over their heads constantly, was the possibility that Bud would have to ship out to Europe. As time went on, Bud was called on to be part of the U.S. forces in Germany and France. Before he left for his overseas mission, Bud and Carol got married. They had a short time together as husband and wife before he had to depart. Bud went willingly and with pride that he would be able to fight for what our country believed. Bud’s parents loved Carol and took her under their wing as they awaited news from Bud.
As you might have guessed, Bud didn’t make it home. Three months after their marriage, Carol learned that Bud was killed, as the allies made their way through Europe. He was buried in France. Sadly, while Carol was given Bud’s personal items, she never saw his gravesite – not even a photo.
No doubt Carol mourned her first love greatly. However, she didn’t sit around feeling sorry for herself. She began volunteering, as a first aide assistant, working with wounded soldiers who returned home after suffering some type of serious injury. While doing that, she met a sweetheart of a man, my husband’s father, Len. While she was helping to care for his injuries, he began to care for her too. His injuries began to heal, as did her heart. Some time after, they married and had four wonderful children.
Unfortunately, Len died at the age of 72 and I didn’t meet my husband, Allan, until many years after. Therefore, I never had the pleasure of knowing his father. While Len was obviously Carol’s love, she never forgot Bud. Len, being the loving secure man that he was, agreed to name his youngest son after Bud. After all, if Bud hadn’t given his life for our country, he would never have been able to marry the love of his life. A bittersweet thought, to say the least!
My husband Allan has always had an interest in military history. He began questioning his mother more about Bud and his service, including when and where his death occurred. Carol is in kidney failure. She is getting weaker and her cognitive functioning is deteriorating, but she remembers Bud and still tears up when thinking about him. She expressed her profound sadness about not seeing where he is buried. Allan thought it might be meaningful for Carol to at least see a photo of his gravesite. After doing research, Allan learned that Bud is buried at the Lorraine American cemetery in Saint-Avold, France.
Of course, our first stop, after landing in Frankfurt, Germany, was the Lorraine American Cemetery and Memorial in Saint-Avold France. The Cemetery is pristinely maintained by the U.S. Government and looks like a miniature Arlington National Cemetery. The official information states that: “the Cemetery covers 113.5 acres and contains the largest number of graves of our military dead of World War II in Europe, a total of 10,489. Their headstones are arranged in nine plots in a generally elliptical design extending over the beautiful rolling terrain of eastern Lorraine and culminating in a prominent overlook feature. Most of the dead here were killed while driving the German forces from the fortress city of Metz toward the Siegfried Line and the Rhine River. Initially, there were over 16,000 Americans interred in the St. Avold region, mostly from the U.S. Seventh Army's Infantry and Armored Divisions and its Cavalry Groups. Saint-Avold served as a vital communications center for the vast network of enemy defenses guarding the western border of the Third Reich.”
We arrived at around 4:30 P.M. on a dark and misty day and were the only visitors to the Cemetery at that time. The military officer who manages the Cemetery greeted us and used his computer to locate Bud’s grave. Allan and I walked sadly to Bud’s grave in the light rain. While neither of us knew him personally, we were grief-stricken to see the rows and rows of Crosses and Stars of David’s that rolled across the grounds, as well as Bud’s grave. Here at his grave, this young man so loved by Allan’s mother came to life for me.
The officer, showing us the grave, used sand from the beaches of Normandy to highlight the words on Bud’s cross so they would be visible for photos. He also placed an American Flag in the ground in front of the cross for us to take back to Carol. It so happened that when we arrived at Bud’s grave, it was time for the flag lowering and for taps to play over the loud speaker. My usually stoic Allan began crying and I started and then we were both hugging each other and sobbing for the losses of life due to war and for Carol’s heartache. Then Allan, still sniffling, said that if Bud hadn’t died he might not have been born. Who knows, but for some reason that made me again think that everything happens for a reason. We stopped crying.
Allan just returned home after showing his mother the photo of the grave and the packet of information that we were given while at the Lorraine Cemetery that was specific to Bud. No doubt she will treasure that along with her memories of Bud and Len.
Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if our energies were all directed to peaceful enterprises rather than wars that need to be fought. Perhaps, some day!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Did you know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month?
I have been writing about vacations and fun, but want to address a far more serious and important topic, domestic violence.
According to Women Helping Women of Hamilton County*, domestic violence is the use of physical, sexual, threatening or emotional force to frighten, intimidate and control an intimate partner. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that occurs over time. This abuse often escalates and may become worse with time.
Abusive partners use combinations of behavior to control a survivor. Even if you have never experienced physical harm by a partner, but are afraid and controlled by your partner’s actions (shouting, throwing things or threats), you are being abused.
This type of violence can occur among heterosexual or same-sex couples and does not require sexual intimacy.
Are you aware that:
1 in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
1.3 million women are survivors of domestic violence each year.
85% of domestic violence survivors are women.
Sexual assault or forced sex occurs in approximately 40-45% of abusive relationships.
Those are really harsh statistics. Because of the frequency of its occurrence, you may know someone who is currently in an abusive relationship, or it may be you. If so and you want to know more about abusive relationships, visit Beinggirl.com. The site has a series of articles about abuse that will be helpful no matter what your age. Having information will help you or someone you care about either escape or avoid that type of very unhealthy relationship.
http://www.beinggirl.com/search/?searchterm=abusive+relationships&page=1
Important to know in all of this is that it is not YOUR FAULT
Below is some further information from the Women Helping Women website that I found incredibly helpful in educating about domestic violence:
“Abused” describes what has happened to you – not who you are. This term tends to imply that someone in an abusive relationship is a victim, weak or helpless. The truth is that many people in abusive relationships have great inner strength and are often there for others, including children. No matter what a controlling or abusive partner tells you (“If you had done this right, I would not have hurt you”), being abused is not your fault- the abuser is responsible. Partner violence is not acceptable and it is not something you have to deal with alone. Whether you have limited finances, no family or friends to whom you can turn to for help, are afraid for your safety or simply think you could never make it “on your own,” there are agencies in your community who can help you.”
If you don’t know who those agencies are or where close help is, you can visit the website of the National Domestic Violence Hotline to get assistance in identifying an agency in your community: http://www.thehotline.org/ They also have a toll-free phone number should your computer be monitored: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
If you are not certain about your relationship and want to know more, Women Helping Women has a Domestic Violence quiz for you to take. If you answer yes to more then one answer, you may be in an abusive relationship.
http://www.womenhelpingwomen.org/home/quizzes/domestic-violence-quiz/
I was a past president of the Board and a board member of Women Helping Women for 12 years and still have a strong commitment to that cause. Optimistically, we always hope that there will not be a need for organizations like Women Helping Women. Until then, thank goodness for organizations like Women Helping Women and sites like beinggirl.com, where there is key information and support for those who may need it.
*Women Helping Women serves Southwestern Ohio as a unique provider of crisis intervention and support services for direct and indirect survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and stalking and takes a leading role in educating the community to promote awareness and help prevent these types of abuse. http://www.womenhelpingwomen.org/
According to Women Helping Women of Hamilton County*, domestic violence is the use of physical, sexual, threatening or emotional force to frighten, intimidate and control an intimate partner. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that occurs over time. This abuse often escalates and may become worse with time.
Abusive partners use combinations of behavior to control a survivor. Even if you have never experienced physical harm by a partner, but are afraid and controlled by your partner’s actions (shouting, throwing things or threats), you are being abused.
This type of violence can occur among heterosexual or same-sex couples and does not require sexual intimacy.
Are you aware that:
1 in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
1.3 million women are survivors of domestic violence each year.
85% of domestic violence survivors are women.
Sexual assault or forced sex occurs in approximately 40-45% of abusive relationships.
Those are really harsh statistics. Because of the frequency of its occurrence, you may know someone who is currently in an abusive relationship, or it may be you. If so and you want to know more about abusive relationships, visit Beinggirl.com. The site has a series of articles about abuse that will be helpful no matter what your age. Having information will help you or someone you care about either escape or avoid that type of very unhealthy relationship.
http://www.beinggirl.com/search/?searchterm=abusive+relationships&page=1
Important to know in all of this is that it is not YOUR FAULT
Below is some further information from the Women Helping Women website that I found incredibly helpful in educating about domestic violence:
“Abused” describes what has happened to you – not who you are. This term tends to imply that someone in an abusive relationship is a victim, weak or helpless. The truth is that many people in abusive relationships have great inner strength and are often there for others, including children. No matter what a controlling or abusive partner tells you (“If you had done this right, I would not have hurt you”), being abused is not your fault- the abuser is responsible. Partner violence is not acceptable and it is not something you have to deal with alone. Whether you have limited finances, no family or friends to whom you can turn to for help, are afraid for your safety or simply think you could never make it “on your own,” there are agencies in your community who can help you.”
If you don’t know who those agencies are or where close help is, you can visit the website of the National Domestic Violence Hotline to get assistance in identifying an agency in your community: http://www.thehotline.org/ They also have a toll-free phone number should your computer be monitored: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
If you are not certain about your relationship and want to know more, Women Helping Women has a Domestic Violence quiz for you to take. If you answer yes to more then one answer, you may be in an abusive relationship.
http://www.womenhelpingwomen.org/home/quizzes/domestic-violence-quiz/
I was a past president of the Board and a board member of Women Helping Women for 12 years and still have a strong commitment to that cause. Optimistically, we always hope that there will not be a need for organizations like Women Helping Women. Until then, thank goodness for organizations like Women Helping Women and sites like beinggirl.com, where there is key information and support for those who may need it.
*Women Helping Women serves Southwestern Ohio as a unique provider of crisis intervention and support services for direct and indirect survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and stalking and takes a leading role in educating the community to promote awareness and help prevent these types of abuse. http://www.womenhelpingwomen.org/
Friday, September 30, 2011
Teen Travel Tips for us Older Women Who Are Young in Spirit!
This is segment 3 of the, my husband I traveled for 18 days through France and Spain, story. Specifically, we flew into Frankfurt, rented a car at the airport and drove to Saint-Avold, France to visit the American Cemetery. There is a very romantic WWII story associated with that stop, which I will go into in another post. After an overnight there, we drove onto Normandy for the weekend. In fact, we were in Normandy on 9/11, which other than NYC, seemed like a great place to be on that day. Both were sites of tragic deaths of heroes who died saving others – very humbling indeed!
After that, we drove to Mont Saint Michel, then down the West Coast of France to the Bordeaux region and the town of St. Emilion. Following an evening of fabulous wine drinking and the very best smoked salmon pizza I ever ate (actually it was the only one I ever ate and I want more!), we went the next day to San Sebastian, Spain where we spent a few days eating pintxos and drinking Rioja wines like it was our job to eat as many different kinds of pintxos, as there were available. Pintxos are the “Basque equivalent to tapas, served in Northern Spain”.
The car was returned and we took a train to Madrid to spend a few nights and then took another train to Southern Spain to stay in the Andalucía area for a week. While in Madrid, we ate our first pan of paella and shared our first pitcher of Sangria while sitting at an outdoor table observing the people strolling by us. It turned out to be the best paella of the trip because it was well-seasoned with enough spices, garlic and salt to make it more flavorful then some of the more bland renditions I have eaten. Importantly, it was packed with seafood. Also, the Sangria was refreshing and full of fruit. In fact, I joke that the only fruits I ate were from the bottom of the Sangria pitchers we drank.
OK, I just rambled through our itinerary without any of the dramatic description that it truly deserves because in this post, I really want to talk about traveling and vacationing in general, not the sites or the food we experienced. If one isn’t traveling well, I believe that they can’t relax enough to enjoy the local cuisine or the attractions. To help with that, I found an excellent article on beinggirl.com, titled Teenage Travel, which provides excellent tips that are beneficial no matter what the age of the traveler. The link is below.
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/teenagers-vacation/
There are so many aspects of the article that are more than helpful, they can be vacation saving. For example, there is a paragraph that offers advise on being a smart packer. It states that fumbling with your luggage can make you a target for pickpockets. VERY TRUE! My experience has been that pickpocketing in Europe has become an art form. Along with the advise given, I will add that you should watch out for diversions, such as street fights, kids running in packs, or someone doing something crazy that you just have to see. In that split second, a wallet can be lifted or a purse taken. I have seen it, been with friends who had that happen and had a wallet lifted from my cross-body handbag after someone pushed me on a subway in Paris.
On this trip, we made a pact (or at least I did since I am the key violator of packing far more than I wear because I like choices) to only pack one medium suitcase each and one small carryon. We knew that we had laundry facilities at our lodging in Southern Spain so we could wash our clothes there. Before that, we hand washed clothes, if needed.
Even though we had a car for a lot of the trip, those two train rides meant we were in train stations. I must say though, security at the Madrid train station was almost as rigid as at an airport. That was actually reassuring. Take a read of the article on beinggirl.com and let me know if you have any added tips to help make someone else’s travel more pleasant. Since I am about the food, below is a photo of a half-eaten plate of fried sardines from San Sebastian. I ate the rest after the photo because they were fresh and delicious!! The other picture is of a working fishing boat in San Sebastian.
After that, we drove to Mont Saint Michel, then down the West Coast of France to the Bordeaux region and the town of St. Emilion. Following an evening of fabulous wine drinking and the very best smoked salmon pizza I ever ate (actually it was the only one I ever ate and I want more!), we went the next day to San Sebastian, Spain where we spent a few days eating pintxos and drinking Rioja wines like it was our job to eat as many different kinds of pintxos, as there were available. Pintxos are the “Basque equivalent to tapas, served in Northern Spain”.
The car was returned and we took a train to Madrid to spend a few nights and then took another train to Southern Spain to stay in the Andalucía area for a week. While in Madrid, we ate our first pan of paella and shared our first pitcher of Sangria while sitting at an outdoor table observing the people strolling by us. It turned out to be the best paella of the trip because it was well-seasoned with enough spices, garlic and salt to make it more flavorful then some of the more bland renditions I have eaten. Importantly, it was packed with seafood. Also, the Sangria was refreshing and full of fruit. In fact, I joke that the only fruits I ate were from the bottom of the Sangria pitchers we drank.
OK, I just rambled through our itinerary without any of the dramatic description that it truly deserves because in this post, I really want to talk about traveling and vacationing in general, not the sites or the food we experienced. If one isn’t traveling well, I believe that they can’t relax enough to enjoy the local cuisine or the attractions. To help with that, I found an excellent article on beinggirl.com, titled Teenage Travel, which provides excellent tips that are beneficial no matter what the age of the traveler. The link is below.
http://www.beinggirl.com/article/teenagers-vacation/
There are so many aspects of the article that are more than helpful, they can be vacation saving. For example, there is a paragraph that offers advise on being a smart packer. It states that fumbling with your luggage can make you a target for pickpockets. VERY TRUE! My experience has been that pickpocketing in Europe has become an art form. Along with the advise given, I will add that you should watch out for diversions, such as street fights, kids running in packs, or someone doing something crazy that you just have to see. In that split second, a wallet can be lifted or a purse taken. I have seen it, been with friends who had that happen and had a wallet lifted from my cross-body handbag after someone pushed me on a subway in Paris.
On this trip, we made a pact (or at least I did since I am the key violator of packing far more than I wear because I like choices) to only pack one medium suitcase each and one small carryon. We knew that we had laundry facilities at our lodging in Southern Spain so we could wash our clothes there. Before that, we hand washed clothes, if needed.
Even though we had a car for a lot of the trip, those two train rides meant we were in train stations. I must say though, security at the Madrid train station was almost as rigid as at an airport. That was actually reassuring. Take a read of the article on beinggirl.com and let me know if you have any added tips to help make someone else’s travel more pleasant. Since I am about the food, below is a photo of a half-eaten plate of fried sardines from San Sebastian. I ate the rest after the photo because they were fresh and delicious!! The other picture is of a working fishing boat in San Sebastian.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
European Vacation with a dab of Africa
My husband and I went to Europe for 18 days and returned home late on Saturday, September 24. After being gone so long in a time zone that was 6 hours different from where we live in North Carolina, I am finally getting my being back into some sort of equilibrium. Even with the sluggishness and the angst that I have tons to do now that I am home, I would go again. I love to travel, especially when it involves visiting places that I have always wanted to see. Even with the ability of the Internet to allow us to view locales just about anywhere in the world, it just isn’t the same as being there.
On this trip we traveled from Normandy, France to Southern Spain and also spent a day in Tangier, Morocco. While there, we ate wonderful foods, drank fabulous wines, saw sites we planned on visiting and some that I didn’t even know existed. All in all, we had a wonderful time. Having said that, people keep asking me to name my favorite place. Despite the fact that my first post-vacation blog post was about European Potties, my favorite places were just about everywhere except bathrooms. However, I would change the question to ask what place was our biggest surprise – and that was the Moroccan city of Tangier.
Thanks to our excellent guide Yoseph, we spent a day in Tangier and toured just about the whole city, from the beaches on the Mediterranean to the Atlantic shores and the Rif Mountains that surround the city. Not surprisingly, the waters of the Atlantic were rougher and cloudier than the clearer and very blue Mediterranean, which was the only demarcation of waters that flowed into each other with no divider.
To get to Morocco from Southern Spain, you take a ferry from the Spanish city of Tariff and go across the Strait of Gibraltar, which takes about 45 minutes of actual travel time. From what I understand (and this happened for us both coming and going), the trip can expand to almost 2 hours with delays. After visiting, the only impression I had of Tangier before was all WRONG! It is a very progressive and culturally diverse city that seems to welcome everyone, as they have for thousands of years, whether they are Christian, Moslem or Jewish.
We went to the beautiful seaside, I rode a camel on the beach (though not really willingly), went to fruit & vegetable markets, meat and fish markets and visited a beautiful old Synagogue in the heart of the Jewish section of the city. I almost cried to know that there is such an acceptance of my people in an Arab country. Wish everywhere could be like that.
Our lunch in Tangier was fresh and delicious. We started with a bowl of olives and a salad of fresh tomatoes and onions in olive oil and vinegar. Then we ate: grilled lamb kabobs, couscous with chicken, and a Moroccan lamb stew with prunes and chickpeas that was seasoned with saffron, cumin and garlic. When ordering, we just told the waiter to bring his best offerings. YUMMM! I washed it all down with a locally made crisp and light white wine. Another positive about Morocco is that they have vineyards and produce delicious wines! I was a bit frightened after the fact that I might get some sort of traveler’s issue due to a more sensitive constitution than my husband, but all was good!!
Another point that just popped into my head is that the King of Morocco's chief advisor is Jewish. Also, women and men, regardless of religion or culture, serve equally in all occupations as well as in the government. Gotta love a place like that.
You know you really liked a place when you want to go back – and I do!! Next time Marrakesh and Casablanca, but not for a while!
On this trip we traveled from Normandy, France to Southern Spain and also spent a day in Tangier, Morocco. While there, we ate wonderful foods, drank fabulous wines, saw sites we planned on visiting and some that I didn’t even know existed. All in all, we had a wonderful time. Having said that, people keep asking me to name my favorite place. Despite the fact that my first post-vacation blog post was about European Potties, my favorite places were just about everywhere except bathrooms. However, I would change the question to ask what place was our biggest surprise – and that was the Moroccan city of Tangier.
Thanks to our excellent guide Yoseph, we spent a day in Tangier and toured just about the whole city, from the beaches on the Mediterranean to the Atlantic shores and the Rif Mountains that surround the city. Not surprisingly, the waters of the Atlantic were rougher and cloudier than the clearer and very blue Mediterranean, which was the only demarcation of waters that flowed into each other with no divider.
To get to Morocco from Southern Spain, you take a ferry from the Spanish city of Tariff and go across the Strait of Gibraltar, which takes about 45 minutes of actual travel time. From what I understand (and this happened for us both coming and going), the trip can expand to almost 2 hours with delays. After visiting, the only impression I had of Tangier before was all WRONG! It is a very progressive and culturally diverse city that seems to welcome everyone, as they have for thousands of years, whether they are Christian, Moslem or Jewish.
We went to the beautiful seaside, I rode a camel on the beach (though not really willingly), went to fruit & vegetable markets, meat and fish markets and visited a beautiful old Synagogue in the heart of the Jewish section of the city. I almost cried to know that there is such an acceptance of my people in an Arab country. Wish everywhere could be like that.
Our lunch in Tangier was fresh and delicious. We started with a bowl of olives and a salad of fresh tomatoes and onions in olive oil and vinegar. Then we ate: grilled lamb kabobs, couscous with chicken, and a Moroccan lamb stew with prunes and chickpeas that was seasoned with saffron, cumin and garlic. When ordering, we just told the waiter to bring his best offerings. YUMMM! I washed it all down with a locally made crisp and light white wine. Another positive about Morocco is that they have vineyards and produce delicious wines! I was a bit frightened after the fact that I might get some sort of traveler’s issue due to a more sensitive constitution than my husband, but all was good!!
Another point that just popped into my head is that the King of Morocco's chief advisor is Jewish. Also, women and men, regardless of religion or culture, serve equally in all occupations as well as in the government. Gotta love a place like that.
You know you really liked a place when you want to go back – and I do!! Next time Marrakesh and Casablanca, but not for a while!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Public Potties in Europe
My husband and I just returned from a fantastic European vacation where we traveled to France and Spain mostly. We also crossed the strait of Gibraltar in a ferry and spent a day in Morocco. I didn’t blog about my trip while traveling due to concerns about security at home. It is crazy that there are people who go to public sites for the sole purpose of determining who’s away from home so they can rob their house. I have read online security tips advising not to do that, using, as an example, some poor family who posted publicly while they were on vacation. They came home and found that someone ransacked their house while they were riding the waves in some remote location. In any case, I have a lot I want to share, now that I am back, and will begin with public washrooms.
The reason I am starting with the topic of public potties, rather then going on about the delicious food we ate, fabulous wine we drank (a glass of wine costs about as much as a cup of coffee in many places), and sites we saw is because I have a thing about cleanliness and hand washing. We all know that hand washing can prevent the spread of diseases, important to do all the time, but even more so when away from home and as we enter flu season. If we all supposedly know we should wash our hands after going to the bathroom, then why doesn’t everyone do that?? I have witnessed women bolting the bathroom without washing their hands. There is no excuse. Instead of being Nurse Elaine in a starched white uniform and going on about germs, disease and prevention, I thought I would talk about the public bathrooms in Europe and what I liked about them. Believe me, there is no way I would talk about the U.S. public restrooms, as I find most of them gross.
1) Always Found Soap: Yep, in the vast majority of bathrooms I used there was soap. And, if you have read my posts on incontinence and also read what I have written about urinary tract infections, you would know that I have visit many, many public restrooms while traveling. In fact, I would argue that I visited many, many different bathrooms in a day sometimes. On our recent vacation, I can’t remember not using a bathroom that didn’t have a soap dispenser of some kind. This includes toilets at different landmarks, airports, train stations, auto rest stops, restaurants and small bars located in alleys. Soap is present and where there is soap there is the potential for good personal hygiene after using the toilet.
2) Most restrooms were clean: Love the fact that while some of the toilets I visited had really old fixtures, lighting that looked like it was from the 1930s, and tile floors and walls that were original to very old buildings, they were clean. I don’t know if it is a pride thing or just a better understanding of the importance of cleanliness when you are providing services to tourists, but I was happy to see that. In fact, I would argue that I see more yucky potties in the U.S. then I’ve ever found abroad. For example, I was talking to my next-door neighbor’s mother yesterday who mentioned that she had also been to Morocco. She told me that a restroom she used, when traveling there many years ago, was spotless. The only thing that was disturbing to her was the man who continued to mop between the toilets even while women were using them. Then, he expected a tip. She gave him one!
Years ago while in Hamburg, Germany, I went into a public restroom at the train station and backed out hurriedly because there was a tall man in a butchers coat in there. Checked the sign on the door again and, sure enough, it was the ladies room. He was there to keep the room clean and he did. It was spotless and I gladly tipped him. Now there is a jobs program that could be implemented in the U.S. I’d be happy to designate my tax dollars to ensuring clean public restrooms and filled soap dispensers. Could reduce infections and save insurance providers billions of dollars. I am kidding - sort of!!
3) Very few paper towels for hand wiping after washing: Don’t know if that is a cost savings thing or not wanting to waste paper, but I didn’t like that. Often there were hand dryers, but many didn’t work. In any case, I sometimes just air dried my hands by waving them while walking or wiped excess water on my pants. Oh well, at least I washed with soap.
4) Mostly found toilet paper: Important to always carry your own pack of tissues or wipes, because you never know if there will or won’t be paper. One thing I liked is that when there wasn’t, the woman before me would mention it and offer me paper. That happened more than once. Wish we could all cooperate on more complex things too, but I appreciated the kindness of the warning.
5) Didn’t see many tampon or pad vending machines: The only place I saw vending machines were in airport or train station bathrooms. So, be prepared and take product with you if you even remotely think you will need it. Recently in the U.S. in Pinehurst, North Carolina, where you find many very exclusive golf clubs, I visited the Pinehurst Country Club that houses Course No. 2. I am not a golfer, nor do I belong to that club but it is supposed to be a really big deal if you play golf there. We had friends visiting that wanted to go to Pinehurst. Of course while there I had to use the bathroom. Along with cloth wipes the Club had complimentary Tampax sitting in cute little baskets. That doesn’t happen often, so again, take some if you think you may need it.
6) No buggies on the walls: OK, that is me with my bug phobia and not wanting a spider to fall into my bushy wild hair. Hate when I see spider webs in bathrooms and I truly didn’t see any. Made for a much more relaxed experience.
7) Found many bathrooms with high stall walls: I have always hated bathroom stalls that had short metal pieces as dividers, as they afford absolutely no privacy. You might as well place the potty in the middle of the room. In Europe, I most frequently found high walls between the stalls or even some bathrooms that were individual rooms with their own lights. It kind of made me feel at home. In any case, this is just a non-hygiene observation that I wanted to share.
For those of you have stuck with me and read this blog, I want to reiterate that I am writing about the ladies rooms in Europe as a way to talk about hand washing after using the bathroom. According to the Center for Disease Control, “Keeping hands clean through improved hand hygiene is one of the most important steps we can take to avoid getting sick and spreading germs to others.” If no soap, use antibacterial cleanser, as you owe it to yourself and others! I promise that my next blog will be about the wonderful sites we visited and there will be no mention of potties!
The reason I am starting with the topic of public potties, rather then going on about the delicious food we ate, fabulous wine we drank (a glass of wine costs about as much as a cup of coffee in many places), and sites we saw is because I have a thing about cleanliness and hand washing. We all know that hand washing can prevent the spread of diseases, important to do all the time, but even more so when away from home and as we enter flu season. If we all supposedly know we should wash our hands after going to the bathroom, then why doesn’t everyone do that?? I have witnessed women bolting the bathroom without washing their hands. There is no excuse. Instead of being Nurse Elaine in a starched white uniform and going on about germs, disease and prevention, I thought I would talk about the public bathrooms in Europe and what I liked about them. Believe me, there is no way I would talk about the U.S. public restrooms, as I find most of them gross.
1) Always Found Soap: Yep, in the vast majority of bathrooms I used there was soap. And, if you have read my posts on incontinence and also read what I have written about urinary tract infections, you would know that I have visit many, many public restrooms while traveling. In fact, I would argue that I visited many, many different bathrooms in a day sometimes. On our recent vacation, I can’t remember not using a bathroom that didn’t have a soap dispenser of some kind. This includes toilets at different landmarks, airports, train stations, auto rest stops, restaurants and small bars located in alleys. Soap is present and where there is soap there is the potential for good personal hygiene after using the toilet.
2) Most restrooms were clean: Love the fact that while some of the toilets I visited had really old fixtures, lighting that looked like it was from the 1930s, and tile floors and walls that were original to very old buildings, they were clean. I don’t know if it is a pride thing or just a better understanding of the importance of cleanliness when you are providing services to tourists, but I was happy to see that. In fact, I would argue that I see more yucky potties in the U.S. then I’ve ever found abroad. For example, I was talking to my next-door neighbor’s mother yesterday who mentioned that she had also been to Morocco. She told me that a restroom she used, when traveling there many years ago, was spotless. The only thing that was disturbing to her was the man who continued to mop between the toilets even while women were using them. Then, he expected a tip. She gave him one!
Years ago while in Hamburg, Germany, I went into a public restroom at the train station and backed out hurriedly because there was a tall man in a butchers coat in there. Checked the sign on the door again and, sure enough, it was the ladies room. He was there to keep the room clean and he did. It was spotless and I gladly tipped him. Now there is a jobs program that could be implemented in the U.S. I’d be happy to designate my tax dollars to ensuring clean public restrooms and filled soap dispensers. Could reduce infections and save insurance providers billions of dollars. I am kidding - sort of!!
3) Very few paper towels for hand wiping after washing: Don’t know if that is a cost savings thing or not wanting to waste paper, but I didn’t like that. Often there were hand dryers, but many didn’t work. In any case, I sometimes just air dried my hands by waving them while walking or wiped excess water on my pants. Oh well, at least I washed with soap.
4) Mostly found toilet paper: Important to always carry your own pack of tissues or wipes, because you never know if there will or won’t be paper. One thing I liked is that when there wasn’t, the woman before me would mention it and offer me paper. That happened more than once. Wish we could all cooperate on more complex things too, but I appreciated the kindness of the warning.
5) Didn’t see many tampon or pad vending machines: The only place I saw vending machines were in airport or train station bathrooms. So, be prepared and take product with you if you even remotely think you will need it. Recently in the U.S. in Pinehurst, North Carolina, where you find many very exclusive golf clubs, I visited the Pinehurst Country Club that houses Course No. 2. I am not a golfer, nor do I belong to that club but it is supposed to be a really big deal if you play golf there. We had friends visiting that wanted to go to Pinehurst. Of course while there I had to use the bathroom. Along with cloth wipes the Club had complimentary Tampax sitting in cute little baskets. That doesn’t happen often, so again, take some if you think you may need it.
6) No buggies on the walls: OK, that is me with my bug phobia and not wanting a spider to fall into my bushy wild hair. Hate when I see spider webs in bathrooms and I truly didn’t see any. Made for a much more relaxed experience.
7) Found many bathrooms with high stall walls: I have always hated bathroom stalls that had short metal pieces as dividers, as they afford absolutely no privacy. You might as well place the potty in the middle of the room. In Europe, I most frequently found high walls between the stalls or even some bathrooms that were individual rooms with their own lights. It kind of made me feel at home. In any case, this is just a non-hygiene observation that I wanted to share.
For those of you have stuck with me and read this blog, I want to reiterate that I am writing about the ladies rooms in Europe as a way to talk about hand washing after using the bathroom. According to the Center for Disease Control, “Keeping hands clean through improved hand hygiene is one of the most important steps we can take to avoid getting sick and spreading germs to others.” If no soap, use antibacterial cleanser, as you owe it to yourself and others! I promise that my next blog will be about the wonderful sites we visited and there will be no mention of potties!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The fear isn’t with asking the question…
I recently blogged about the most asked questions that teens have about periods, puberty, products and relationships. As a beinggirl.com women’s health expert, I can attest to the fact that teens don’t hesitate to research about what is bothering them. They go to beingirl.com, yahoo, facebook, WebMD or wherever there are health experts and they ask away, then ask away some more. However, it seems that while we women continue to have questions about our changing bodies as we age, the older we get the more hesitant we can be about finding out what is happening to us.
While I believe that everyone should ask questions about their health to learn about the best way to manage their situation or to figure out if the changes are normal or not, you can’t force information on someone. Sometimes we accept abnormalities for so long it becomes the norm for our beings. I truly believe that should not be the way it happens. Laughing about a problem is good, but finding out what can help us is even better.
One of my passions is helping women and teens find answers to bothersome health issues. Before responding to questions, whether I am familiar with the answer or not, I still research the topic to ensure I am providing the most current information or research available. On the beinggirl.com website, where I am one of the women’s health experts, we have been answering questions from teen girls for years. Historically, Dr. Iris Prager developed the answers on the site, when she was the education manager for Tampax and Always. She has a PhD in health education and is a past president of the American Association for Health Education. Women’s health experts, including me, as well as physicians, educators, scientists, and other nurses reviewed her responses. The content on beinggirl.com along with the responses used as the basis for responding to the questions asked continue to undergo regular reviews to ensure the information remains accurate and current.
Back to the women and the topic of not asking questions or addressing their health concerns. I read lots of blogs that reflect laughter, tears, frustration, anger and despondency. Some blogs share wonderful touching (and some very frightening) stories about the physical and emotional changes some experience with perimenopause, menopause, as well as older lady aging stuff like stress or urge incontinence. The blogs are situational sharing with a theme of acceptance until the annoying symptoms or physical changes go away or get so horrid a doctor’s appointment is finally made. By the way, stress and urge incontinence are a pathological condition, not a normal part of aging.
While it is great to know we are not alone in our suffering, it would be even better to identify information that can help us manage whatever it is that is ailing us. There are tips and advise out there on credible sites in Internet land that can help us avoid issues before they even begin. For those of you who do ask and find answers, GOOD FOR YOU. For the others who suffer needlessly, ask away, there is help and you are not alone!
p.s. Thanks to Mary B., Dr. Iris, and Virginia for inspiring this topic.
While I believe that everyone should ask questions about their health to learn about the best way to manage their situation or to figure out if the changes are normal or not, you can’t force information on someone. Sometimes we accept abnormalities for so long it becomes the norm for our beings. I truly believe that should not be the way it happens. Laughing about a problem is good, but finding out what can help us is even better.
One of my passions is helping women and teens find answers to bothersome health issues. Before responding to questions, whether I am familiar with the answer or not, I still research the topic to ensure I am providing the most current information or research available. On the beinggirl.com website, where I am one of the women’s health experts, we have been answering questions from teen girls for years. Historically, Dr. Iris Prager developed the answers on the site, when she was the education manager for Tampax and Always. She has a PhD in health education and is a past president of the American Association for Health Education. Women’s health experts, including me, as well as physicians, educators, scientists, and other nurses reviewed her responses. The content on beinggirl.com along with the responses used as the basis for responding to the questions asked continue to undergo regular reviews to ensure the information remains accurate and current.
Back to the women and the topic of not asking questions or addressing their health concerns. I read lots of blogs that reflect laughter, tears, frustration, anger and despondency. Some blogs share wonderful touching (and some very frightening) stories about the physical and emotional changes some experience with perimenopause, menopause, as well as older lady aging stuff like stress or urge incontinence. The blogs are situational sharing with a theme of acceptance until the annoying symptoms or physical changes go away or get so horrid a doctor’s appointment is finally made. By the way, stress and urge incontinence are a pathological condition, not a normal part of aging.
While it is great to know we are not alone in our suffering, it would be even better to identify information that can help us manage whatever it is that is ailing us. There are tips and advise out there on credible sites in Internet land that can help us avoid issues before they even begin. For those of you who do ask and find answers, GOOD FOR YOU. For the others who suffer needlessly, ask away, there is help and you are not alone!
p.s. Thanks to Mary B., Dr. Iris, and Virginia for inspiring this topic.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Love and Friendship: What teen girls ask about.
Recently, I blogged about the top questions teens want to have answered about puberty, periods and products using questions the beinggirl.com women’s health experts answer most frequently. In this post, I will provide insight into what teen girls ask the beinggirl.com women's health experts about in regards to relationships with girlfriends and boyfriends. I am hoping that if a teen reads this blog, she will know that she isn’t alone with the kinds of concerns and questions she may have about crushes, love and friendships. Also, these questions and answers will help provide parents with a better understanding into what their daughters think about.
For those of you without teen girls, I suggest you read this too. No doubt that the answers are relevant for us older girls who have girlfriends, boyfriends, crushes and unrequited loves. For the men, you can thank me for the insight.
How do I get my crush to like me?
Why not start by smiling and saying "hi"? This guy will probably be glad that you did! Ask him about something that he is interested in or mention something the two of you have in common. The conversation will probably go fine from there. If the two of you "click" you shouldn't feel uncomfortable asking him to hang out sometime. There's no reason a girl shouldn't ask a guy to do that. You may just make his day. If nothing else, you (and he) may have a new friend.
What can I do to become less shy and try to make friends?
Actually, being shy can be a trait that some people like...it can make you a good listener! If you want to participate more in the conversations around you, then learn about the things that people are interested in and practice at home what you are ready to say and what questions you want to ask. It is also easier to learn to talk with people if you get involved in an activity that interests you so that you work together on common goals and interests, and you'll have real things to talk about. Don't expect the world to change when you take your first step in overcoming shyness. It takes time for others to get to know you and for you to know and feel comfortable with others. Be friendly no matter how others respond to you at first. Change will happen gradually. Be patient with yourself and others. You can do it!
All of my friend's parents let them go places without an adult. How can I convince my parent's to let me go to places with my friends and them not tag along?
First, take an honest look at your own behavior. Are you trustworthy? For example, do you do all of the things that you say you are going to? Do you do your homework without having to be told? Are you getting the best grades that you are capable of? Do you do the chores around the house that you are supposed to without having to be asked? Do you ever pick up extra responsibilities to help around the house? If the answer is no, then you may need to spend a good bit of time on these issues before asking for more freedoms. If the answer is truly yes, then sit down with your parents and try to discuss with them what is going on. Do this calmly and make your points clearly. List all the ways in which you feel you are responsible and exactly what new privileges you are looking for. Be specific about what it is that you want and also offer suggestions about where you are willing to compromise. This should help.
My crush likes my best friend, how do I get him to like me and not her?
Here are some facts about guys...
-If he isn't asking you out, he isn't into you. It isn't that he doesn't want to ruin the friendship, or that he wants to take it slow, or that he’s intimidated by you. The plain truth is that he isn't into you.
-He gave you his number and told you to call. If he wanted to talk to you he would have gotten your number and already called you!
-If he isn't calling you, he isn't into you. He doesn't want you calling him if he isn't calling you so put the phone down and don't call him.
-If he likes you he will ask you out. If he doesn't, then he doesn't want you asking him out!
-If he likes you, he won't forget it. He will call you, text you, or do what it takes to get in touch with you. Leave him alone and let him contact you.
-If he doesn't do what he says he is going to do, then run because you don't want to be in a relationship with him since he obviously doesn't make you a priority.
-If he doesn't want others to know he is your boyfriend, then end the relationship and find the guy that does want others to know he is YOUR boyfriend!
-If he says he doesn't want a serious relationship, then he is really saying that he isn't sure that you are the one so why waste anymore time. Go out and find the guy that is the one.
-Remember, he doesn't need to be reminded that you are great. He will know that you are and treat you likewise.
-You deserve to be with someone that is nice to you all the time. You also need to be nice to him to.
I know, some of this is hard to hear but ALL of it is true. He likes your friend better. Stop making excuses for your crush, your boyfriend, and your ex. Take care of yourself. There is no female that deserves better than you so start acting like it today. Guys like self-confident girls and being able to walk away from a guy that doesn't respect you will show guys just how confident you really are.
My best friend is awesome! We hang out with each other and stuff. But then she met this boy and now all of the time she talks to him or about him! Everywhere we go, she brings him along and I'd really want us to be just us again. How can I tell her that?
As you grow and change, your relationships will too. Not all friendships are going to last forever and some may not last long at all. Drifting apart from friends is hard, no matter who's doing the drifting. So it's normal to feel upset.
If your best friend pulls away, don't chase after her. Just busy yourself. Now's the time to think about your interests, and new activities. Try out for the school play, or join a school sport's club. There are tons of things to do and tons of people to meet.
I can't stop thinking about my best guy friend. I think I might be crushing on him, but I'm not sure. If I am, should I tell him? We have been friends since the 5th grade, and now we are going in to 8th. I don't want to lose this friendship. He sometimes shows off in front of me. All of my friends say he likes me and we would be perfect together. At times I sometimes believe them, but other times I don't. Should I ask him out?
Your crush is everything you want in a guy. He's cute, he's funny, he's smart... and he's your best friend! Aah! Add in that minor detail about him being your BFF, and you've either got a recipe for disaster or a match made in heaven—it's a toss up.
It's hard not to have a crush on your best friend. He's obviously fun to be with—you wouldn't hang out with him if he weren't. Plus, you guys have the same interests and can be comfortable around each other. Before you run to his house, screaming your vow of undying love for him through the streets, you have to decide if this crush is for real and if you're ready to put your friendship on the line.
If your friend is single, make sure this crush is the real thing before you profess your love. Why do you think you two can be more than friends? If it's because you recently broke up with someone and he's been there for you through the hard times, it's probably not a good idea to make your move.
Maybe you think he's been especially flirty with you lately. Flirtation is hard to gauge. You might think he's super flirty because you're looking for any kind of sign that he feels the same feelings for you as you do for him. You might be reading him all wrong, so be careful.
If you're sure your feelings for him are real, go for it. Don't tell him when you're around other people. Tell him when you're somewhere quiet with little distractions. Be honest, but don't go on and on for hours about how you've been in love with him since the two of you were in diapers. That will scare him away. Just say, "I like you more than a friend and hope we can go out sometime. If you don't feel the same for me, that's OK. I'd like to remain friends with you."
He might say no. You will be crushed and sad, but you'll get over it eventually. If he says no, don't ask him why. That's like asking him to rip your heart into tiny little pieces after it's already been broken. Be respectful and don't badger him.
Remember, even just confessing your feelings to him may make your friendship really strange. He might not want to hang out with you as much as before. He might be distant for a little while. Your relationship could return to normal or it could change forever. That's another thing you have to take into consideration.
If he says yes, good for you and good luck!
There is this girl at school who keeps spreading rumors about me and people are turning against me. What should I do?
Try hard not to protest too much. As unfair as that it may seem, that just reaffirms to the rumormongers that you are lying. Try to get through the day as if nothing were different. Getting revenge might feel good for a moment but will only result in getting you into trouble and making you look guilty. These responses are based on impulses, not careful thought. Think about what you want to say and try choosing how best to respond rather than just exploding with emotion. Confront the person calmly. Let them try to explain. If you don’t get satisfaction, a trip to the guidance counselor might be in order. You should also seriously consider telling your parents. Time will heal. The rumor about you will soon be replaced with the next hot story of the week. Importantly, your composure might cause that rumor to die an early death.
There is this guy who I have a huge crush on, I think we would be perfect together, but he's dating my best friend. Should I tell him or not?
Put your relationship with your girl friend above all others. Going after the same guy isn't a smart idea if you value the relationship with your friend in any way.
There is this boy at school who has a mega crush on me but I don't feel the same way. How do I break it to him that I don't like him?
Be honest. Coming right out and saying, "I like you as a friend" can prevent a lot of miscommunication and embarrassment. You might think it is easier for him if you lie and say you have a boyfriend, or give some other excuse. But eventually he might find out and be even more hurt.
Don't start ignoring him. This won't make his crush go away. Don't return his stares with smiles and don't start a conversation because these will only give him the wrong idea. If you are friends and he tells you how he feels, you two need to have a talk. If you want to be friends with him, make sure to tell him that too. Put yourself in his shoes. If you liked him and he wasn't interested in you "that" way, you'd want him to tell you that instead of ignoring you or acting like a jerk.
Don't lead him on. You might be flattered that someone likes you, even if you don't like him back, but don't lead him on so that you feel better about yourself. This can only lead to bad feelings and is unfair to him.
If you feel like he is starting to stalk you - that is, follow you around or calling you a lot when you have made it clear that you are not interested talk to your parents or to a school counselor about it. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable or unsafe because of someone else's feelings toward you. Talking to a counselor can help you understand this and can help you figure out what actions will stop him from bothering you.
I have these two 'friends' who seem to do everything without me. They never ask me to join in. I don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP!
Three is such a hard number for friendships- almost always, someone feels left out. The best thing to do when you are feeling like the one on the outside is to try to make more of an effort to be a part of things. Don't try to play one friend against the other or you really will end up on the outside. Instead, invite both girls to do something with you. Do this well in advance, so that they won't have already made other plans. This will help to make sure you are included. If they really seem to be hitting it off, please try to see it as a positive thing that is happening between them and not as something negative about you. Sometimes, for whatever reasons, two people just click. Also, try to expand your circle of friends. Don't make all of your plans with these two or wait around for them. I am sure there are other girls who would be happy to get to know you better. If you can't think of anyone right now, try joining some new activities to expand your circle of friends and keep you busy.
For those of you without teen girls, I suggest you read this too. No doubt that the answers are relevant for us older girls who have girlfriends, boyfriends, crushes and unrequited loves. For the men, you can thank me for the insight.
How do I get my crush to like me?
Why not start by smiling and saying "hi"? This guy will probably be glad that you did! Ask him about something that he is interested in or mention something the two of you have in common. The conversation will probably go fine from there. If the two of you "click" you shouldn't feel uncomfortable asking him to hang out sometime. There's no reason a girl shouldn't ask a guy to do that. You may just make his day. If nothing else, you (and he) may have a new friend.
What can I do to become less shy and try to make friends?
Actually, being shy can be a trait that some people like...it can make you a good listener! If you want to participate more in the conversations around you, then learn about the things that people are interested in and practice at home what you are ready to say and what questions you want to ask. It is also easier to learn to talk with people if you get involved in an activity that interests you so that you work together on common goals and interests, and you'll have real things to talk about. Don't expect the world to change when you take your first step in overcoming shyness. It takes time for others to get to know you and for you to know and feel comfortable with others. Be friendly no matter how others respond to you at first. Change will happen gradually. Be patient with yourself and others. You can do it!
All of my friend's parents let them go places without an adult. How can I convince my parent's to let me go to places with my friends and them not tag along?
First, take an honest look at your own behavior. Are you trustworthy? For example, do you do all of the things that you say you are going to? Do you do your homework without having to be told? Are you getting the best grades that you are capable of? Do you do the chores around the house that you are supposed to without having to be asked? Do you ever pick up extra responsibilities to help around the house? If the answer is no, then you may need to spend a good bit of time on these issues before asking for more freedoms. If the answer is truly yes, then sit down with your parents and try to discuss with them what is going on. Do this calmly and make your points clearly. List all the ways in which you feel you are responsible and exactly what new privileges you are looking for. Be specific about what it is that you want and also offer suggestions about where you are willing to compromise. This should help.
My crush likes my best friend, how do I get him to like me and not her?
Here are some facts about guys...
-If he isn't asking you out, he isn't into you. It isn't that he doesn't want to ruin the friendship, or that he wants to take it slow, or that he’s intimidated by you. The plain truth is that he isn't into you.
-He gave you his number and told you to call. If he wanted to talk to you he would have gotten your number and already called you!
-If he isn't calling you, he isn't into you. He doesn't want you calling him if he isn't calling you so put the phone down and don't call him.
-If he likes you he will ask you out. If he doesn't, then he doesn't want you asking him out!
-If he likes you, he won't forget it. He will call you, text you, or do what it takes to get in touch with you. Leave him alone and let him contact you.
-If he doesn't do what he says he is going to do, then run because you don't want to be in a relationship with him since he obviously doesn't make you a priority.
-If he doesn't want others to know he is your boyfriend, then end the relationship and find the guy that does want others to know he is YOUR boyfriend!
-If he says he doesn't want a serious relationship, then he is really saying that he isn't sure that you are the one so why waste anymore time. Go out and find the guy that is the one.
-Remember, he doesn't need to be reminded that you are great. He will know that you are and treat you likewise.
-You deserve to be with someone that is nice to you all the time. You also need to be nice to him to.
I know, some of this is hard to hear but ALL of it is true. He likes your friend better. Stop making excuses for your crush, your boyfriend, and your ex. Take care of yourself. There is no female that deserves better than you so start acting like it today. Guys like self-confident girls and being able to walk away from a guy that doesn't respect you will show guys just how confident you really are.
My best friend is awesome! We hang out with each other and stuff. But then she met this boy and now all of the time she talks to him or about him! Everywhere we go, she brings him along and I'd really want us to be just us again. How can I tell her that?
As you grow and change, your relationships will too. Not all friendships are going to last forever and some may not last long at all. Drifting apart from friends is hard, no matter who's doing the drifting. So it's normal to feel upset.
If your best friend pulls away, don't chase after her. Just busy yourself. Now's the time to think about your interests, and new activities. Try out for the school play, or join a school sport's club. There are tons of things to do and tons of people to meet.
I can't stop thinking about my best guy friend. I think I might be crushing on him, but I'm not sure. If I am, should I tell him? We have been friends since the 5th grade, and now we are going in to 8th. I don't want to lose this friendship. He sometimes shows off in front of me. All of my friends say he likes me and we would be perfect together. At times I sometimes believe them, but other times I don't. Should I ask him out?
Your crush is everything you want in a guy. He's cute, he's funny, he's smart... and he's your best friend! Aah! Add in that minor detail about him being your BFF, and you've either got a recipe for disaster or a match made in heaven—it's a toss up.
It's hard not to have a crush on your best friend. He's obviously fun to be with—you wouldn't hang out with him if he weren't. Plus, you guys have the same interests and can be comfortable around each other. Before you run to his house, screaming your vow of undying love for him through the streets, you have to decide if this crush is for real and if you're ready to put your friendship on the line.
If your friend is single, make sure this crush is the real thing before you profess your love. Why do you think you two can be more than friends? If it's because you recently broke up with someone and he's been there for you through the hard times, it's probably not a good idea to make your move.
Maybe you think he's been especially flirty with you lately. Flirtation is hard to gauge. You might think he's super flirty because you're looking for any kind of sign that he feels the same feelings for you as you do for him. You might be reading him all wrong, so be careful.
If you're sure your feelings for him are real, go for it. Don't tell him when you're around other people. Tell him when you're somewhere quiet with little distractions. Be honest, but don't go on and on for hours about how you've been in love with him since the two of you were in diapers. That will scare him away. Just say, "I like you more than a friend and hope we can go out sometime. If you don't feel the same for me, that's OK. I'd like to remain friends with you."
He might say no. You will be crushed and sad, but you'll get over it eventually. If he says no, don't ask him why. That's like asking him to rip your heart into tiny little pieces after it's already been broken. Be respectful and don't badger him.
Remember, even just confessing your feelings to him may make your friendship really strange. He might not want to hang out with you as much as before. He might be distant for a little while. Your relationship could return to normal or it could change forever. That's another thing you have to take into consideration.
If he says yes, good for you and good luck!
There is this girl at school who keeps spreading rumors about me and people are turning against me. What should I do?
Try hard not to protest too much. As unfair as that it may seem, that just reaffirms to the rumormongers that you are lying. Try to get through the day as if nothing were different. Getting revenge might feel good for a moment but will only result in getting you into trouble and making you look guilty. These responses are based on impulses, not careful thought. Think about what you want to say and try choosing how best to respond rather than just exploding with emotion. Confront the person calmly. Let them try to explain. If you don’t get satisfaction, a trip to the guidance counselor might be in order. You should also seriously consider telling your parents. Time will heal. The rumor about you will soon be replaced with the next hot story of the week. Importantly, your composure might cause that rumor to die an early death.
There is this guy who I have a huge crush on, I think we would be perfect together, but he's dating my best friend. Should I tell him or not?
Put your relationship with your girl friend above all others. Going after the same guy isn't a smart idea if you value the relationship with your friend in any way.
There is this boy at school who has a mega crush on me but I don't feel the same way. How do I break it to him that I don't like him?
Be honest. Coming right out and saying, "I like you as a friend" can prevent a lot of miscommunication and embarrassment. You might think it is easier for him if you lie and say you have a boyfriend, or give some other excuse. But eventually he might find out and be even more hurt.
Don't start ignoring him. This won't make his crush go away. Don't return his stares with smiles and don't start a conversation because these will only give him the wrong idea. If you are friends and he tells you how he feels, you two need to have a talk. If you want to be friends with him, make sure to tell him that too. Put yourself in his shoes. If you liked him and he wasn't interested in you "that" way, you'd want him to tell you that instead of ignoring you or acting like a jerk.
Don't lead him on. You might be flattered that someone likes you, even if you don't like him back, but don't lead him on so that you feel better about yourself. This can only lead to bad feelings and is unfair to him.
If you feel like he is starting to stalk you - that is, follow you around or calling you a lot when you have made it clear that you are not interested talk to your parents or to a school counselor about it. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable or unsafe because of someone else's feelings toward you. Talking to a counselor can help you understand this and can help you figure out what actions will stop him from bothering you.
I have these two 'friends' who seem to do everything without me. They never ask me to join in. I don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP!
Three is such a hard number for friendships- almost always, someone feels left out. The best thing to do when you are feeling like the one on the outside is to try to make more of an effort to be a part of things. Don't try to play one friend against the other or you really will end up on the outside. Instead, invite both girls to do something with you. Do this well in advance, so that they won't have already made other plans. This will help to make sure you are included. If they really seem to be hitting it off, please try to see it as a positive thing that is happening between them and not as something negative about you. Sometimes, for whatever reasons, two people just click. Also, try to expand your circle of friends. Don't make all of your plans with these two or wait around for them. I am sure there are other girls who would be happy to get to know you better. If you can't think of anyone right now, try joining some new activities to expand your circle of friends and keep you busy.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
What are the Real Questions About Puberty, Periods and Products Teens Have
No doubt that many moms & dads, along with their daughters, have or had questions about puberty, periods and the menstrual protection products that would be best for them to use. One thing that I have learned over the years is that the questions that teens have can be different from the concerns or issues that their parents think they have. Sometimes when parents talk to their daughters and think they have addressed their questions, they haven't. Sorry about that reality, since many of us do our best to impart info to our kids to help make their lives easier. However, I can help demystify some of this by sharing the top questions that teens have about their periods, puberty and products. Some of you may not be surprised when you see what they are and I applaud you. However, looking back on my talks with my daughter during puberty, I would have been.
The questions I am sharing are the most-frequently asked ones received by the beinggirl.com women's health experts from teens. You may be wondering why girls would go online to ask these questions . Most do this because they haven't gotten the answers to their questions or are not satisfied with the answers they have been given. Some girls are embarrassed to ask someone they know, they don't know how to begin the discussion or want to just know that they aren't alone with their experience.
This is going to be a really long blog posting, but I didn't want to just post the question without providing the responses that we would give to your daughters. The answers below are not all-encompassing and certainly not personalized, but an overview of the information we provide in a typical response. Of course, you can go to beinggirl.com to find the answers too, along with more detail. For some of you, your daughters may have already been to the site. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have after reading this, as I am happy to answer any and all!! Happy reading:
When will I get my period?
Since you first heard the word "period," you’ve probably been wondering what it is and when you’d get your first period. Although most girls get their first period between 11–14 years old, you could start your period anywhere from 8–17 years old.
You could narrow that down by taking clues from your body. During puberty, when your body becomes sexually mature, you’ll have some of these changes that show your period’s on its way. (By the way, these changes may happen in a different order than listed here.)
Developing Breasts. First, you’ll get breast "buds." (Your breasts then can take up to 3–4 years to fully develop.) Generally you will get your period 2–3 years after your breasts start developing.
Growing Pubic Hair. Right after your breasts start to form, you’ll start developing pubic hair. It will be soft and thin at first, then gradually become coarser. Your period usually arrives around 1 –2 years after the hair development.
Discharge. This is the big sign. You’ll start to experience vaginal discharge that will be either white or yellowish. If you like, you may want to start using Always Pantiliners to protect your underwear. Your period should start around 6–12 (but up to 18) months after the start of discharge.
How do I deal with cramps?
Exercise and heat can help. Also, pain killers with ibuprofen seem to work the best on menstrual cramps. Keep a menstrual calendar and try to predict when your period will come. This is a difficult task for the first year or so since your periods aren't regular. Then start taking the pain killer the night before you get your period. If exercise, heat or ibuprofen don't help and your cramps stop you from participating in your life, ask your mom or dad to take you to see a gynecologist. S/he will be able to prescribe medication or recommend other options that may be more effective.
What is PMS?
Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) - "Premenstrual" means before your period; syndrome is another word for a condition or group of symptoms. PMS is a condition some women get in the week before their periods. If you suffer from cramps, backaches, bloating, mood swings or mild depression before your period, you may have PMS. (note that there have been books written about PMS and much more detailed information can be found on beinggirl.com or you can read a patient brochure from the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists that includes a section on PMS http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/bp049.cfm).
Am I still a virgin if I use a tampon?
Yes, you can definitely use a tampon and still be a virgin. But first let me clear something up: a virgin is someone who has not had sexual intercourse. So being a virgin is not related to tampon use. However since you are a virgin, your hymen (the thin membrane that partially covers and protects the opening to your vagina) may still be intact. Or, it may have been torn or stretched when you were a kid by bike riding, sliding down the banister, gymnastics, etc. The tampon just enters the vagina through the same opening the menstrual blood leaves the vagina, so it doesn’t affect the hymen. If it is still intact, you may break or stretch it to allow the tampon in. This should not be painful or traumatic, and it doesn’t have any effect on your virginity.
My mom says I am not ready for tampons but I am active in sports. What can I use?
With this question, we would refer the asker to the Always website and say: Pads are a great option when you are not ready for tampons. That's why Always offers a wide range of products. But with so many choices, it can be tough to figure out what's right for you. Our product selector makes it a breeze to find the Always products that you're looking for. With just a few quick clicks, we'll find out what you're all about and then recommend your perfect Always pad.
Can I go swimming during my period?
It’s safe to hit the water as long as you wear a tampon while you’re swimming. Tampons collect the menstrual fluid before it leaves your body.
How do I tell my mom I got my period?
It’s totally normal to be nervous about having the talk with your mom about your first period. But remember, not so long ago, your mom was nervous about having that same talk! Really, it's not so bad once you get started.
Maybe the idea of a big sit-down with your mom seems intimidating. So, try opening the conversation casually by saying something like, "Hey Mom, when you were younger, were you nervous about getting your period?" This opens the door to discussion and gives your mom the chance to open up, too.
If it's hard for you to start a face-to-face discussion, leave your mom a note where only she'd find it. You could say something like, "Mom, I need some info about getting my first period. Can we talk tonight?" That way, she'll initiate a conversation with you and you won't have to worry about bringing it up.
You could take a straight-up approach and just tell her your feelings. Start by saying something like, "This is an embarrassing topic for me, but I need to talk to you about my period." That way, you and your mom can get to the point right away, and your mom can do her best to make the convo as un-icky as possible.
I have had my period for several years but still get discharge. Why?
Normal discharge is clear, smooth, or creamy and has a very slight smell that can be described as sweet or soapy. Sometimes if it gets in your underwear and gets exposed to air it may turn a little crusty, but this is normal too. The only thing you should look out for is discharge that is itchy, irritating, discolored, or smelly, because this might be a sign of infection and a reason to see your doctor.
When Female Discharge Happens You’ll probably produce more discharge in the middle of your menstrual cycle a couple weeks after your period. This is when you’re ovulating (your ovary is releasing an egg).
I got my period twice in one month. Why?
Depending on a person’s cycle, it is possible to have two periods in a month. You count from the first day of your current period to the first day of your next period to determine how many days your cycle is. If you’ve already become regular, then each cycle is just about the same number of days—anything from 21 to 35 days is average. So if you were to get your period on April 1, it is possible to have it again on April 22. If your period comes closer than three weeks apart, check it out with your doctor.
The questions I am sharing are the most-frequently asked ones received by the beinggirl.com women's health experts from teens. You may be wondering why girls would go online to ask these questions . Most do this because they haven't gotten the answers to their questions or are not satisfied with the answers they have been given. Some girls are embarrassed to ask someone they know, they don't know how to begin the discussion or want to just know that they aren't alone with their experience.
This is going to be a really long blog posting, but I didn't want to just post the question without providing the responses that we would give to your daughters. The answers below are not all-encompassing and certainly not personalized, but an overview of the information we provide in a typical response. Of course, you can go to beinggirl.com to find the answers too, along with more detail. For some of you, your daughters may have already been to the site. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have after reading this, as I am happy to answer any and all!! Happy reading:
When will I get my period?
Since you first heard the word "period," you’ve probably been wondering what it is and when you’d get your first period. Although most girls get their first period between 11–14 years old, you could start your period anywhere from 8–17 years old.
You could narrow that down by taking clues from your body. During puberty, when your body becomes sexually mature, you’ll have some of these changes that show your period’s on its way. (By the way, these changes may happen in a different order than listed here.)
Developing Breasts. First, you’ll get breast "buds." (Your breasts then can take up to 3–4 years to fully develop.) Generally you will get your period 2–3 years after your breasts start developing.
Growing Pubic Hair. Right after your breasts start to form, you’ll start developing pubic hair. It will be soft and thin at first, then gradually become coarser. Your period usually arrives around 1 –2 years after the hair development.
Discharge. This is the big sign. You’ll start to experience vaginal discharge that will be either white or yellowish. If you like, you may want to start using Always Pantiliners to protect your underwear. Your period should start around 6–12 (but up to 18) months after the start of discharge.
How do I deal with cramps?
Exercise and heat can help. Also, pain killers with ibuprofen seem to work the best on menstrual cramps. Keep a menstrual calendar and try to predict when your period will come. This is a difficult task for the first year or so since your periods aren't regular. Then start taking the pain killer the night before you get your period. If exercise, heat or ibuprofen don't help and your cramps stop you from participating in your life, ask your mom or dad to take you to see a gynecologist. S/he will be able to prescribe medication or recommend other options that may be more effective.
What is PMS?
Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) - "Premenstrual" means before your period; syndrome is another word for a condition or group of symptoms. PMS is a condition some women get in the week before their periods. If you suffer from cramps, backaches, bloating, mood swings or mild depression before your period, you may have PMS. (note that there have been books written about PMS and much more detailed information can be found on beinggirl.com or you can read a patient brochure from the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists that includes a section on PMS http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/bp049.cfm).
Am I still a virgin if I use a tampon?
Yes, you can definitely use a tampon and still be a virgin. But first let me clear something up: a virgin is someone who has not had sexual intercourse. So being a virgin is not related to tampon use. However since you are a virgin, your hymen (the thin membrane that partially covers and protects the opening to your vagina) may still be intact. Or, it may have been torn or stretched when you were a kid by bike riding, sliding down the banister, gymnastics, etc. The tampon just enters the vagina through the same opening the menstrual blood leaves the vagina, so it doesn’t affect the hymen. If it is still intact, you may break or stretch it to allow the tampon in. This should not be painful or traumatic, and it doesn’t have any effect on your virginity.
My mom says I am not ready for tampons but I am active in sports. What can I use?
With this question, we would refer the asker to the Always website and say: Pads are a great option when you are not ready for tampons. That's why Always offers a wide range of products. But with so many choices, it can be tough to figure out what's right for you. Our product selector makes it a breeze to find the Always products that you're looking for. With just a few quick clicks, we'll find out what you're all about and then recommend your perfect Always pad.
Can I go swimming during my period?
It’s safe to hit the water as long as you wear a tampon while you’re swimming. Tampons collect the menstrual fluid before it leaves your body.
How do I tell my mom I got my period?
It’s totally normal to be nervous about having the talk with your mom about your first period. But remember, not so long ago, your mom was nervous about having that same talk! Really, it's not so bad once you get started.
Maybe the idea of a big sit-down with your mom seems intimidating. So, try opening the conversation casually by saying something like, "Hey Mom, when you were younger, were you nervous about getting your period?" This opens the door to discussion and gives your mom the chance to open up, too.
If it's hard for you to start a face-to-face discussion, leave your mom a note where only she'd find it. You could say something like, "Mom, I need some info about getting my first period. Can we talk tonight?" That way, she'll initiate a conversation with you and you won't have to worry about bringing it up.
You could take a straight-up approach and just tell her your feelings. Start by saying something like, "This is an embarrassing topic for me, but I need to talk to you about my period." That way, you and your mom can get to the point right away, and your mom can do her best to make the convo as un-icky as possible.
I have had my period for several years but still get discharge. Why?
Normal discharge is clear, smooth, or creamy and has a very slight smell that can be described as sweet or soapy. Sometimes if it gets in your underwear and gets exposed to air it may turn a little crusty, but this is normal too. The only thing you should look out for is discharge that is itchy, irritating, discolored, or smelly, because this might be a sign of infection and a reason to see your doctor.
When Female Discharge Happens You’ll probably produce more discharge in the middle of your menstrual cycle a couple weeks after your period. This is when you’re ovulating (your ovary is releasing an egg).
I got my period twice in one month. Why?
Depending on a person’s cycle, it is possible to have two periods in a month. You count from the first day of your current period to the first day of your next period to determine how many days your cycle is. If you’ve already become regular, then each cycle is just about the same number of days—anything from 21 to 35 days is average. So if you were to get your period on April 1, it is possible to have it again on April 22. If your period comes closer than three weeks apart, check it out with your doctor.
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